Darkest Desires [Joel Miller]

12

The tension between me and Joel was still there. I knew he was avoiding me by the way he came home late after work and didn't eat with me and Sarah in the kitchen after I made dinner. Our relationship before wasn't the best but it wasn't the worst either and I didn't like how things were between us. I wanted to talk to him and one morning when he was leaving for work, I grabbed his hand.

"Joel, we need to talk,"I said, looking at him.

"I have to go to work, Daisy,"Joel said, looking at my arm. "Would you let me go?"

The cold and firm tone of his voice surprised me. He was always firm and cold but not this kind of cold. He sounded distant and I could hear from his voice that he wasn't in the mood for this talk. But I had to talk to him anyway because I couldn't live with him under the same roof if he didn't let me apologize to him.

 "Joel, please..."I begged him. "I know I messed up but at least let me apologize."

"We both messed up,"Joel whispered, anger in his voice. "It shouldn't have happened."

I nodded. "I know and I'm sorry."

He rubbed his face with his hands, sighing heavily. There was a part of me that felt guilty about kissing him. It felt like I committed a sin. But the other part of me wanted it to happen again. I thought about the kiss every night before bed, playing it all over in my head. I still remembered how roughly he kissed me and every touch made me crave more. But to him, I was just Sarah's best friend and his best friend's daughter, nothing more. We would never work out.

"Let's just... forget it ever happened, okay?"he looked at me, using his firm tone once again to make sure I was listening. "We don't talk about it, we don't even mention it. Got it? No one can know about this." 

 I nodded. "Yes, of course. It will stay between us."

"Glad we came to an agreement,"he sighed, crossing his arms over his chest.

 "I really am sorry, Joel."

Joel shakes his head. "Like I said, we don't mention it."

Joel turned around to walk away but he turned around, his expression softer than before. He stood in front of me, gently lifting my chin so I was looking directly into his beautiful brown eyes.

"I didn't mean to be so harsh with you but you have to understand. Your dad is my best friend. Sarah is your best friend. You understand where I'm coming from?"

"Yes, I do,"I sighed.

 We looked at each other for a while but then he let go of me, sighing. I could sense that there was something he wanted to say but he kept it to himself.

"I'm coming home late today. We have a lot to do at the construction site."

I nodded. "Don't worry, I'll cook dinner."

Joel nodded, leaving me alone with my thoughts.

Joel

I watched Daisy as she stood in the doorway, her eyes looking down on the ground. We both messed up. Badly. There was guilt behind Daisy's eyes but there was something more. Something more that I couldn't name. 

As I walked away, the weight of the conversation still lingered on my shoulder. I was being too harsh with her and I felt bad, even though I apologized. The construction site offered a temporary escape, a place to drown out the noise in my head with the sounds of clanging metal and distant conversation. Yet, the echoes of Daisy's apology still followed me throughout the day.  

The truth was, that I liked the kiss. Trust me, I knew how fucked up that sounded and I shouldn't think of Daisy that way and I couldn't jeopardize my friendship with her dad who has been my best friend since high school. The only person who could tolerate me and the person I considered my second brother.

I can't let that happen again. It's been a long time since I felt this kind of desire towards any woman and it sucked that she happened to be my best friend's daughter. The softness of Daisy's lips still haunted me, making it difficult to concentrate on work.  

 As the day went on, I still couldn't stop thinking about our kiss. This has to be buried, deep down. It happened one time and it's not going to be happening again. No one can know.