Darkest Desires [Joel Miller]

14

Daisy

The mall buzzed with activity, a symphony of laughter and distant conversation. The secret guy, who's name was Chris by the way, asked Sarah out after the party which meant a shopping trip to the mall to find a perfect date outfit.  

We navigated through the aisles of a store, surrounded by the racks of colorful clothing and people who tried to push their way through the racks. It was a wrong idea to come looking for an outfit on Saturday morning but Sarah desperately needed a dress for the evening. Chris gave Sarah only one hint about their date that was supposed to take place in a fancy restaurant.

"Ooh, look at this one!"Sarah exclaimed, picking up a black, silk dress. "What do you think?"

"It's simple but it's beautiful,"I said, forcing on a smile before my gaze drifted to somewhere else. "You should try it on."

Sarah disappeared into the fitting room, As I waited behind the fitting room, my mind betrayed myself, replaying the recent event with Joel.

I knew I should feel guilty about kissing him but I didn't. Maybe a little bit, if I thought about what Sarah or my dad would think about us. I should stay away from him, far away, but as last night showed me, I couldn't.

Sarah emerged from the dressing room, spinning around in her dress. "What do you think?"

I blinked, trying to refocus on Sarah and her dress. "It looks amazing on you, Sarah."

Sarah grinned, spinning around once more. "You okay, Daisy? You just seem a bit... distant."

"Yeah, I'm okay,"I replied, hoping she wouldn't ask anymore questions. I could never tell her what has been happening.

 As we continued shopping, I couldn't escape the feelings inside me. Joel's face lingered in the periphery of my thoughts, a constant reminder of the desires I couldn't ignore. No matter how much I tried to. 

The clothes we looked at lost their appeal, becoming a mere distraction from the turmoil within. I struggled to maintain a facade of normalcy, masking the internal conflict that threatened to surface at any moment.

When Sarah suggested trying on more outfits, I faked enthusiasm, but my mind remained a battleground of conflicting emotions. As Sarah disappeared into the fitting room once again, I found myself alone with my thoughts, the dressing room mirrors reflecting a version of myself I didn't quite recognize.

In the quiet of that moment, I wished there was a way I could tell Sarah about my feelings. Talking about my feelings could lighten my heart but there was no way I could tell Sarah about my struggles, even if I didn't mention any names. She would pressure me about the name and I know I would eventually tell her. That would ruin everything between us but Sarah has been my best friend since we came into this world. I didn't want to ruin what we have.  

"Hey, Daisy! I found another one!" Sarah's voice interrupted my internal turmoil as she emerged from the fitting room, holding a burgundy dress adorned with delicate lace.

I forced a smile, my attention torn between the dress Sarah excitedly showcased and the unspoken turmoil that threatened to consume me. "That's gorgeous, Sarah. You should try that one too."

Sarah emerged from the fitting room once again, twirling in the lace dress. "Well?"

"It's perfect,"I said, trying to sound genuine, but my thoughts were a million miles away.

Sarah's excitement about her upcoming date with Chris was palpable, and I couldn't help but feel a pang of envy. While she reveled in the joy of newfound romance, I grappled with the complexities of a secret connection that threatened the very foundation of my life.

"But which one should I take? Classical black or the beautiful burgundy one?"

Neither of us could decide for a moment but in the end we settled on the burgundy dress. Luckily, Sarah already had the perfect shoes at home, which meant we didn't have to spend another hour looking for shoes. Sarah changed back to her own clothes and we headed to the checkout, the weight of my thoughts still lingering in my mind. 

As we left the store, the bright sunlight outside seemed to mock the shadows that clouded my mind. Sarah was in her element, being excited about tonight's date. I was truly happy for her and was hoping everything would go well with her date but the thoughts in my head overshadowed everything else.  

I was hit by a realization that I used to tell her everything but this was a secret I had to keep from my best friend.