love you until the very end. - OMORI SUNTAN

chapter seventeen

/!\ this chapter will contain a lot of stuffs such as: mention of suicide, mention of self harm, mention of death, mention of child abuse, hallucinations... IF YOU GET TRIGGERED BY THESE TYPES OF THINGS, PLEASE DONT READ. (read with caution.)/!\

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-"about Sunny ?" Kel wasn't expecting this.
-"listen, i'm glad you're dating but... know that i didn't forgave Sunny."
-"y-you didnt ? but you said in front of him that you did ! you even told me you did." Kel was confused.
-"yeah, but it was an excuse to let him stay with you, since you both love each other and now dating." Kel didn't say anything, he was at loss of words.
-"i'm so damn angry at him and Basil. i understand it was an accident, but they could've used common sense and call for help, instead of tying her body !" Hero explained, with anger and frustration.
-"Hero, they were twelve... they didn't knew what was happening ! is this that hard to forgive them ? sure it was wrong of them, but they've suffered from it as much as us."
-"it's no that simple, okay ?"
-"Aubrey literally did the same thing to Basil, yet she was older than them and you forgave her, so why not forgive them !? they just opened up about what really happened, it's no such a big deal, is it ?!"
Kel was getting frustrated at his brother, the tension growing.
-"Mari's death is not a big deal ?"
Hero chuckled while speaking, he couldn't believe what his brother just said.
-"i didnt said that ! i said that their actions were obviously wrong, but that doesn't change the fact they panicked !"
-"Kel for god's sake, are you that dumb ? are you that naive !? they literally hanged a corpse ! worst of all, Basil did ! where did he learn to tie a noose huh ? out of them two, i could expect Sunny to know how to !" Hero's tone raised, and all of this was getting...

strangely familiar.

-"im trying to make you realise that they weren't thinking straight ! im telling the truth there, you forgave Aubrey for what she did to Basil, while she was 16 ! she was conscious of her act ! Basil could've drowned and died, and you would have forgave her ? even Sunny could've died since he jumped into the lake to save Basil ! does Mari's life mattered more than Basil's and Sunny's !?"
Kel was even more frustrated and conflicted with his brother, yet he had to say his thoughts.
-"Kel, you've crossed the line ! you're so damn naive, how could you even say that !? everyone's life mattered to me, and no one mattered more than an other ! i need more time than you, im sorry if i am not able to move on like you like nothing happened ! you never truly loved Mari, did you ? did you ever cared about someone anyway !?" Hero snapped and yelled at his brother.

-"you always move on like nothing happened and you continue your life happily, like you never cared ! i could die on accident tomorrow and you would move on and say "oh, accidents happen, well too bad, i'll just move on !"
-"h-hey no ! i do care ! i loved Mari, just like i loved everyone else, and if you died on an accident, i won't just move on ! and even if i said i moved on, it doesn't mean that i fully did, or that i don't care !"
-"well, you act like you don't. you're as dumb as you look ! you don't understand what i'm feeling, Mari was the love of my life ! i need time !" those words hurt Kel so much, but yet he had to respond.
-"need time ? for 4 years !?"
-"Kel, stop this right now ! it's hard enough like that so don't make things harder right now ! you're such a burden sometimes ! go live your life with Sunny, do whatever you want, i don't care anymore. we deal with things differently and i need more time than you !" Hero totally snapped at Kel, and Kel felt his heart sinking at these words. he felt his tears coming up, but nothing fell of his eyes. Hero promised that he wont snap like that again, yet he did again.
-"H-Hero.." but Hero stood up and he left the living room with Sally, leaving his brother alone.

                                       **
the next day, Kel knocked on Sunny's door, asking if he could stay at his place. Sunny accepted, obviously. there was a precise purpose of why Kel decided to stay at his place, instead of going out in town.
-"hey Sunshine, i wanted to tell you something."
he said while entering his boyfriend's bedroom
-"hm ? what is it ?" asked Sunny, sitting on his bed and motioning Kel to sit next to him, and that's what he did.
-"remember what i told you about your self harm, when we spoke about your problems ?" Sunny looked at Kel, confused. he didn't remember, so he tilted his head a bit, showing his confusion.
-"i told you to give EVERY blades, or any cutting object you used or can use to cut yourself."
-"oh, yes i remember..." Sunny looked down, not wanting to give every blades. especially his knife, the one who cuts the best.
-"so ? what are you waiting for ? give them to me, i'll keep them out of reach for you." Kel's tone wasn't firm or anything, it was gentle, caring about Sunny's health, and wanting to take away his blades so he can't cut. Sunny sighed and he stood up from the bed, looking under it, to take out his small box. he sat on the bed again, handing it to Kel.
-"these are all my blades..." he nervously admitted, as Kel opened it. multiple sharpeners blades were in there, but also a compass. Kel inspected some of them, and also the compass. he noticed that the compass's lead had dried blood on it, and same goes for some other blades. he sighed sadly and looked back at Sunny.
-"are you hiding others ?"
-"n-no... i'm not." Sunny lied. he kept his knife hidden in his desk's drawer.
-"can i check your room ? im trusting you but i really don't want you to do this ever again..." Kel said, sounding really honest and worried. Sunny nodded, and he felt his heart rate rising. Kel would find the knife.

Kel searched in Sunny's room and checked every drawers.

...

he didn't find any other blades. even Sunny wondered where did his knife go, since there was only his first-aid-kit in the drawer where he used to hid it, and that's when he realised that he left it in the bathroom, in the sink.

he was trying to wash the blood on it, and he heard Kel knocking, so he left it in the sink.

-"and can i check you ? if you did it again ?" and Sunny's stress grew. he did again, on his thigh, and his bandage being visible, so he put on a pair of cargo, not a pair of shorts.
-"h-hum... yes." Kel smiled in return.
-"could you please take off your hoodie ?" he nodded and took it off, revealing his arms full of scars, scars that are healing, but not any fresh wounds. it relieved Kel, but he knew that if Sunny had to do it again, he would do it on discreet parts of his body, or parts that he can easily hide with clothes. meaning that he was smart enough to not do it on his arms, wrists or shoulders.

Kel thought of his stomach, but also his thighs.
-"that's really delicate to ask but... could you please pull up your shirt, just so i can check your stomach."
Sunny felt embarrassed, yet it has been a while since he didn't do it on his stomach, so he didn't mind. the only thing Kel would see is his old scars on it, so he pulled his shirt up, revealing his very thin stomach. Kel was glad he hadn't did it on the stomach, even though he already did before. it's a very dangerous part to cut, and that's when his worries grew bigger.

-"can you please show me your thighs ?" and there, he just did it yesterday on his right thigh, the scars hasn't healed at all, they were still red. but he wasn't aware of what he was doing though. but would Kel believe him ? Kel felt Sunny's uneasy feeling, but he did showed his thighs.

...

-"Sunny..."