Periwinkle

17| FRUSTRATED

KARA'S POV

Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.

The word echoed in my head, each of them laced with a growing sense of panic.

What in the fucking hell had I fucking done?

As I waited for Leo to open the door, I traced my lips with my fingers. They were still burning from the touch. It was really just a feather-light brush of skin against skin. My lips against his lips. Just a soft brush, a barely-there whisper of contact. That's it.

But, fuck, that whisper was enough to make me dig a hole in the floor and suffocate to death when I realized what I'd done.

My mind flashed the image of Professor Carver, frozen with what was probably shock after I had pulled away. Shame crept in, coiling in my gut, as I recalled the expression he had on his face. That was the first time I had seen his face betray anything he was feelingthe only time the cool mask of impassiveness he always wore every time I was around him cracked. The image of his look was going to be forever burned in my mind, a searing reminder of my reckless act.

Yet, I couldn't deny the way my heart thudded harder against my ribs whenever I closed my eyes and remembered how close we'd been. The way his usually cool and assessing eyes were holding mine and how they had melted into something softer, something I couldn't name. He was looking into my eyes as if... he saw something he had never expected to ever see in his life. It almost looked like he was in awe. Mesmerized. Like he had just found a door that gave him a peek into a world he didn't know existed.

Maybe that's why I leaned in. I was already having a hard time even standing up straight because of the strong vibrations. I was pretty sure I was able to stand only because his chest was against my back, supporting half my weight. And even when I was trying my best to not look like I was affected and wasn't getting closer and closer to the peak, he noticed. He thought I was feeling sick. I could see that he was slightly worried about me.

But then he'd looked into my eyes with that look that sent shivers down my spine. One that made my breath hitch and stomach hitch, and before I knew it, I was leaning in while he stayed transfixed on the spot.

A wave of heat flushed my cheeks. What on earth had possessed me? How could I even face him again after today? How could I keep on working with him now? Would he even want to help me with my thesis after this? I would understand if he wouldn't. My career, my carefully constructed future—all of it was teetering on the edge. All because of a single foolish stumble.

Fuck, how could I be so stupid? How did I always fuck everything up?

The doorknob rattled, snapping me back to reality. The door swung open, revealing Leo's infuriatingly smug grin. "Well, look who it is."

Wait. This wasn't my fault. Not entirely. This was happening because of the vibrator and Leo's impeccable timing. He had started the vibrator right when I'd picked up the brush, but I thought it'd be like the previous two times he'd turned it on. The power wasn't much, and the vibrations were pretty low. So, thinking I could handle it again, I proceeded toward the easel, ready to paint.

I hadn't expected the vibrations to get stronger.

Of course, Leo had to fucking start playing around harder right then.

Yes, this was happening because of Leo and his stupid gift. The vibrator might as well be a curse for me. My life had flipped upside down ever since he gave it to me.

"I'm going to kill you," I hissed, frustration gnawing at me as I pushed past Leo.

His smirk seemed to widen as he closed the door. I was sure he must be really enjoying seeing me so frustrated after he kept toying with me throughout the day, keeping me on the edge but never letting me cross it. But he didn't know that it wasn't just his teasing game that left me irritated—it was the unfurling of something deeper, a tangled knot of longing and confusion I couldn't seem to decipher.