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"I missed you around here," Rafe whispered in my ear, pulling me closer to him as I finally managed to sit next to him and not on his damn lap. The situation overwhelmed me, but I didn't let it show because I knew he would make a stupid comment about it and, to be honest, I would be far too embarrassed by all the people around me.
Well, Rafe and I had a little history before I started hanging around with the Pogues. We weren't dating or anything, we were more like cocaine buddies if you can call it that. He got the cocaine from a guy named Barry, then brought it to me and I bought it ,that was it. Nothing more.
"Can't say the same about you," I said as quietly as possible,still trying to find a way to get out of that situation.Why the fuck do I needed to be this curious?
"Why don't you enjoy yourself a little bit,huh?,"
"Or is that not allowed when you're friends with Pogues?"he added, scanning me and then moving his eyes to the table again.
God, I hated to admit it, but he looked so good. His hair was cut completely short, which suited him incredibly well. He had also looked a lot stronger, which indicated that he was working out more. It was clearly visible from his arms, which looked as if they could crush a person and almost made his black polo shirt ripp.
So that it wouldn't bother me, I pulled my hair back and leaned slightly over the table,sniffing the white line away slowly. I could hear people around me shouting my name, some even clapping...and that only made me feel worse. I couldn't stand the drugs. I couldn't stand the feeling of craving something that destroys every part of me and mostly I couldn't stand myself.
I hated myself so much in that moment. Every sniff leaded me to hate myself even more and more because I knew that my friends thought that I was clean and that I was getting better while I took drugs behind their back and lied to them. I wanted to put all the blame on Rafe, but it wasn't his fault. It was mine. It was mine addiction.
"Fuck," I mumbled, wiping away the white powder that I could still feel on the top of my nose. I didn't even give Rafe one last look but immediately got up and ran out of the house.
There it was- The euphoric feeling. I was carried away by several amazing feelings in only a few seconds until I started to feel dizzy. Like as if the world was spinning or was I spinning? Before I could find an answer to that question my knees got extremely weak. The last thing I noticed before my eyes closed themselves shut was someone catching me.
