Diary of a Fat Girl

21.

When I finished writing in my diary, I pulled my duffel bag out from under my bed. I got up and walked towards my closet. One by one I pulled things out, almost robotically.

Some people would think that I'm being irrational, running away when only one thing went bad but I knew that I had to do this. I can't grow up with parents that I hardly see. I had to do this, for myself.

My aunt and her husband live on the outskirts of town, a 3 hour drive away and they never visit my parents, so I'll be safe there. If I wait 'til midnight, when my parents are asleep, I can take one of their cars. Probably my mother's, if I can even call her that anymore. She doesn't deserve to be my mother anymore.

I remember when I was little and everything was perfect; my parents were always there for me and weren't spending hours away from home trying to earn a living. On the morning of my 3rd grade prize giving, they said that they couldn't make it and I was heartbroken. I didn't even want to earn an award if my parents wouldn't see me receive it.

When it was my turn to get my award, I heard a whistle from the audience. I turned to look at that person and saw my parents, sitting in the front row, clapping for me.

I was so happy that I almost ran off stage to hug them. Instead, I walked up to my teacher with a bright smile, received my award for academic excellence and stood in line, on stage, with my fellow students.

When the ceremony was finished, I run up to my parents and my Dad caught me in his arms, spinning me around. I was on top of the clouds. My mom gave me a big kiss on the cheek and they both congratulated me on my outstanding award.

I always believed that they would be there for me no matter what but I was greatly disappointed. They haven't been to one of my award ceremonies in 5 years. So much for believing.

Before I knew it, my bags were packed. I was ready but it was still too early to leave.

As I walk past my mirror, I stop and look at myself. My once chubby stomach has decreased rapidly and is replaced by a smaller stomach, almost flat. My thighs look as if they were cut in half and my face is slimmer, making my bright eyes stand out more.

I've been so busy trying everything under the sun to get thinner, that I didn't even take the time to keep progress of how I look, and I must say, I look so much better. The exercise at first was brutal but I learned to enjoy the fresh fragrance of the outdoors.

I sit on my bed constantly looking at the clock on the wall, waiting for the signal to leave. So far I have done my nails (If I'm running away, I might as well look good while doing it), cleaned my room, played a game on my phone and did a few exercises. I didn't dare step out of the room, too scared to bump into my mom. A few hours ago, I heard my dad come home but he showed no signs of wanting to see me.

Finally, it's midnight and I'm super pumped. Quietly, I open my door and tip toe towards my parents room, to see them sleeping soundly in their bed. I quickly go back to my room, grab my things and head downstairs. I grab an apple from the bowl in the kitchen, knowing that I'll get hungry on the way.

I grab my mom's car keys from the hook, pull my house key out of my pocket and unlock the door. I pick up all of my bags and walk out of the door. I drop them beside the door and turn around to lock the door as quietly as possible. For some weird reason, I keep my house key, even though I never want to see this house and the people in it ever again.

I grab my things and throw them into the backseat of the car. I hop into the driver's seat, start the car and I'm off, not once looking back.

I roll down all of the windows and feel the wind blow through my hair. I'm free.

But deep down inside, there's this missing piece holding me back but I ignore it. I'm doing this no matter what.

I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second, which was not a good thing to do while driving. When I opened them again, I was blinded by a bright light and the sound of a car hooting, echoed in the silent night.

All of a sudden I felt a sharp pain before it was gone, just like the light and hooting, replaced by darkness and silence.