Bagginshield Fanfics

Unexpected Trouble DietBiohazard

Summary:
Thorin was right in saying that they weren't the only ones that saw the signs of Erebor being ready to be reclaimed.

Usually Bilbo would begin this story by telling you something obligatory about Hobbits -- maybe mention that they liked to warm their feet by the fire in the early mornings of winter, or that they would be inclined to bake on said days when the thick snow would keep them in. That was often how Bilbo began stories, and he would probably follow it by saying something or other about how Hobbits liked solitude -- a ‘no adventure’ sort of bunch. The story would slowly unravel and a plot would come in at some point, followed by a moral or a clever punch-line.

But right now, Bilbo cared little for stories.

Because no one would ever hear of this incident, he thought to himself as he felt his cheek being pinched, a squawk raising up in his throat.

“Ma’am!” He tried to be cordial, but courtesy was slowly being thrown out the window as the woman continued to pinch at his cheeks, cooing as a grandmother would a child, “Ma’am, please, I cannot-!”

“You are just too precious! Cute as a button!” She nearly squealed again, making him wonder if it was her eyesight or sanity that was failing her. No one had called him ‘cute’ in nearly thirty-five years, and he wasn’t too pleased to have the adjective used to describe him once more.

He could hear the stifled laughter of his group behind him, making his cheeks and ears flame once more in embarrassment. They must have found this highly amusing, seeing as they had not moved an inch to help him get away from this crazed townsperson.

The woman had now migrated from pinching his cheeks to fiddling with his ears, cooing over their size and point, ruffling about his hair. This was just getting ridiculous, but he had enough tact to hold himself back from violently ripping from her hold, in fear that he’d hurt her.

“Yes, Master Bilbo.” He heard the familiar laughter near his right ear, making his eyes narrow in irritation, “I must say, you look particularly delightful today.”

A similar voice sidled up to his left, “Master Bilbo, you are quite the treasure.”

The two brothers of Durin found this event particularly amusing, as they took it upon themselves to start pinching his cheeks and fluffing his hair, though he was already receiving enough unwanted attention from the woman.

Jumping nearly out of his skin when the woman forcefully prodded at his stomach, Bilbo laughed nervously, “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but I must-!”

“Look at your pudgy little stomach!” She cooed, “My, do your parents feed you too much, youngling?”

The howling laughter from Kili and Fili were enough to make Bilbo gently reach up and take the woman’s hands in his own, lowering them and offering her a small smile, “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I must be going.”

“Dear me, youngling, do make sure you don't eat too much!”

Bilbo barely had the self control to simply turn away from the woman, stalking further into the crowd of people that called themselves Lake-town. It wasn’t often he was mistaken for a child, seeing as he had left the Shire so few times in his life, no one had the chance. Now, as they wandered through Lake-town, it was beginning to seem that it was a trend.

“Dear Bilbo, you are quite the attraction tonight.” Fili mused happily as he slung his arm around the Hobbit’s shoulder.

Kili’s arm followed closely, encasing Bilbo in between them, their hands tight on his shoulders to keep him from escaping, “Bilbo, you are simply too adorable tonight! The whole town is talking!”