Promised To Love // r.s.l.♡

3

Once again I was lost for words to describe the last three days. It was all a blur of voices, apologies and sympathetic looks.

Nothing compares to registering your child; saying the time they were born and right after the time they died- two hours later. That was possibly the moment I ached the most.

Today though, I was going back home. Apparently Piper and Zack were over yesterday taking down anything baby related to make it more comfortable for us to return but I'm sure they didn't find all of the images from my ultrasounds or the drugstore pregnancy test, and the proper clinical pregnancy test & everything else related to Aria. It was all safe in a box behind the Jimmy Choo heels Ross treated me to and not even he is allowed to touch them.

I finished lacing up my Converse, sliding on the hoodie I saved especially for today; the day I was meant to carry my baby out of here and back home. Now I was returning more empty than anything.

I still felt numb, and generally blurred but I could feel Ross' hand on mine, leading me out. The news spread quickly, so once outside, we were stopped by about 4 guys working for some gossip magazine. I ignored them completely, something I didn't usually do. To our luck, they didn't press on and allowed us to go.

The drive was suffocating. It was silent in the car except from the engine sounds and the radio in the background. I leaned my head on my hand and looked out of the window.

Ross' voice woke me from my daydream. "Would you like some coffee?"

"Yes, please" I spoke quietly as he smoothly pulled into a Costa drive-through. Ross already had bad mood swings; now they are just increased. He's angry one moment and then okay the next, and it's so difficult to predict.

After ordering and collecting, he passed me my drink, the word 'Beautiful' on it. I smiled. "Thank you"

"Chin up, baby girl. We can do this" he touched my thigh, rubbing circles on the top of it. I placed my hand on his, reassurance seeping in but not quite filling the gap inside.

+++

Once I was done putting everything back in my closet, I found Ross downstairs with a mug full of coffee in his hands, eyes fixed on his laptop. Lilly was calmly sleeping beside him (we picked her up from my mum's earlier).

I sat beside him but he only fully acknowledged my presence when I tapped his cheek. "Oh- hi there"

"Hi" his arm was now around me. "What are you up to?"

"A few things; work, planning my next tattoo-"

"Do you have any space left?" I joked and he smiled. "Kidding. Where would it go, and also, what would it be?"

"I thought right forearm, have 'Aria' in some fancy font and the last A is incomplete as parts of it are flying away as petals"

"That would be adorable!" I exclaimed. "Do you want more coffee? Your mug is cold"

"It's iced tea"

"Why would you drink iced tea in a mug? And I don't know why I thought it was coffee"

"Because I got lazy"

I shook my head at him with a smile, then left a kiss on his cheek. "What do you want me to make for dinner?"

"Anything will do, I don't want to get you exhausted" he said kindly, poking my left dimple.

"I'm lost for ideas"

He looked around shyly. "You do make some mean pancakes..."

"Are you suggesting breakfast for dinner?" He hesitated, but nodded. "Let's do it"

"For real?!"

"C'mon, you can give me a hand" I pulled his lazy butt up. At a given moment, he stopped me. "Ssup?"

"Just stay strong" his eyes softened and he squeezed my shoulder. "We can do this"

He never mentioned him, but I knew what he was talking about since he returned the hug I gave him. Before becoming emotional, I pulled away. "C'mon, we have pancakes to make"