What Happens When You Treat Your House Elf Like Family?

When You Assume, You Make An Ass Out Of You And Me -Euphemia Potter

Halloween, 2008

"Sirius Black. You are under arrest for the disappearance of James and Lily Potter. As well as the disappearance of your own brother Regulus Potter."

"What?" Cried Sirius. "I would never hurt my brothers or Lily. How dare you accuse me of something like that."

Fipmy moved in front of Sirius. "Sirius didn't hurt Lily and James. Peter Pettigrew betrayed them. He told you-know-who where we were all hiding!"

The ministry officials looked around the room. Finally taking a second to understand what's going on.

"Okay." Said the official who looked to be somewhat in charge. "Tell us your story, little house elf. Don't leave anything out. Walk us through everything that happened today."

"Well, this morning-" Fipmy started but was cut off by the man.

"Not the whole day, just about an hour before you left." The official clarified.

Fipmy nodded and started again. "It seemed like a normal day. James was playfully annoyed that trick-or-treaters kept knocking and interrupting Harry's bath time so he told me to take care of them. After Harry's bath, Regulus called and told us that he was pretty sure he had just successfully found the last horcrux and that he should be home soon. So that put everyone in a happy mood. Even Harry went down without a fuss. As Lily was reading Harry his story, me and James went to clean up from dinner.

About 15ish minutes later there was a knock at the door. It was about 8:30 at this point. James figured it was just trick-or-treaters so he didn't want to take his wand but I had a bad feeling and asked him to take it. We argued for a minute until he finally just took his wand with him so that I would calm down. I then went to go check on Lily and Harry since we were done cleaning downstairs. When he got to the door I heard James yell 'Wormtail!' Which made me nervous since Peter Pettigrew was not supposed to visit us since we were in hiding. I heard Peter repeatedly apologize and beg James to one day forgive him, that's when James told me to go protect Lily and Harry. I ran upstairs and told Lily what happened. We sat in the nursery for a few minutes and listened to spells being thrown when Lily told me to bring Harry to Hogwarts and not let anybody but Sirius Black or Remus Lupin take him. And now we are here." Fipmy finally took a breath after her speech.

As everyone dealt with hearing the information Remus spoke up.

"Lily, James and Regulus are missing?"

"Yes," replied the in-charge official. "We responded to an alert of an unforgivable curse being used in the Potter residence but something was obstructing us from seeing who cast it. At the same time Regulus Black called for a pick up and a different team went to go get him but when we arrived at both locations there was nobody there. We assumed since Sirius knew the location of the Potters and had frequent contact with his brother, he had to be the one responsible."

"My mom used to have a saying about assuming." Sirius spoke.

"Walburga??" Remus asked

"No, I'd never call that bitch my mom. I'm talking about Euphemia. She always said 'when you assume you make an ass out of you and me'." Sirius answered.

Remus smiled, remembering the saying fondly.

The official nodded. "I, on account of the entire ministry, would like to sincerely apologize. We are sorry for this mix-up. We will do everything in our power to find James, Regulus and Lily Potter alive."

"Thank you." McGonagall replied. "Please do what you can. Get this boy's parents back."

They all looked at Harry who was now sleeping in Remus's arms, and in that moment everyone in that room made a silent vow that this tiny baby would never be alone.

What? Me write this on the way to school purely because someone left kudos on it?? Yes. Yes, I did.