you got me in love again

I will take care of her

"What are the plans for the rest of the day?", Leah asks while I pack the backpack again.

"We meet my mum and brother for dinner at around six.", I say and look at my phone. It's 11 am. "We have plenty of time to do whatever you like."

"Sorry, to bring it up again.", she begins, and I know exactly what topic she means. "Where is your dad buried?", she asks in a quieter voice, and I freeze in my movements.

"Why?", I stumble out and feel myself shaking.

"I want to tell him something.", Leah says and walks over to me, takes my hands in hers and I feel myself calming down. "We don't have to go there.", she whispers into my ear.

"I- ", I swallow. "Ben and I, neither of us were there since the funeral. You can think less of us now but- ", I stop for a second. "But we couldn't."

Leah nods. "I understand. I just want to go there if you feel okay with it."

"It is.", I assure her by fast nodding. "We don't even have to drive. Let us just get the bag home and then I'll show you.", I say and finish packing the bag. I feel like I have to go there sooner rather than later and honestly, why not with Leah. She didn't know dad. She doesn't have a connection to him, except me. Everyone I felt safe enough to go with, grieved themselves. Mum and dad were divorced for long enough to become friends again and she really grieved when he died. Ben has the same emotional connection as I, well not exactly the same, but I will tell Leah the details sometime later. Charlotte and I were almost broken up when he died, I think we would have been much longer ago if he was still alive. Laura basically lived with us her whole live and vice versa. I am glad that I will go with Leah.

"We're you out to him?", Leah asks as we walk back home holding hands.

"Yes, I have been out since I was around fifteen.", I answer.

"That is pretty young.", she notices.

"Yeah, I don't know, I just always knew. It was never an option for me to like boys, you know.", I clarify.

"How did your dad react?", she asks, and I can hear real interest in her voice.

"He was very chill. All my family was, it was not a big deal with my friends as well.", I respond. "What about you? Are you even out?", I question.

"With my friends and my family, yes, I am. I just don't like to put my private life in the public eye. None of my relationships were officially public, but I didn't necessarily hid them.", she says. "Not that there were many, there was one since I went pro.", she quickly adds.

"Don't worry, I don't care how many relationships you had before me.", I laugh it off. "As long as I am the last.", I add and get a smile from Leah, followed by a kiss.

"I am so glad I stole your edding.", she says after the kiss.

"So, you did steal it.", I laugh at our little inside joke.

"Borrowed.", she insists.

"I still don't have it back yet.", I let go of her hand and cross my arms while I act offended.

"I will have to keep it hostage, so I can keep you.", Leah shrugs off.

"Yeah, as if I don't stay voluntarily.", I chuckle and lean one arm over her shoulder.

Leah and I eventually arrive at the graveyard. We walk for a bit until we get to dad's grave. I was not here in over a year, but I still remember the way. I feel shivers running down my entire body and a big knot forming in my chest, but Leah did not let go of my hand for the entire time. The gesture means the world to me. The worst thing after dad died was the pity. Everyone pities you but nearly no one is truly there for you. All of the people tell you how sorry they are and then they are gone. The only people you could talk to about the grief are the ones who experience it with you, and you don't want to do that. Because I knew that talking to my brother about dad would end up in crying and I really don't want to see my big brother cry.

"Hey dad.", I whisper as I stand in front of his grave. It is still surreal to read is name on the tombstone. "Sorry that I didn't come earlier.", I stutter and feel the tears running down my face. "Jesus I don't even have flowers, but I brought someone with me.", I continue sobbing.

"We can leave if it is too much.", Leah mouths but I shake my head.

"No, it is okay. I just need a bit of time.", I reply.

"Do you need time alone?", Leah asks. Without a specific feeling, not sad or disappointed, just asking what I need.

"Stay.", I say and hold on to her hand. I take a deep breath until I continue.

"Dad, this is Leah.", I get out. "My girlfriend.", I add. "You are probably confused but Charlotte and I broke up a few months after you died.", when I speak the word 'died' I must swallow. "I don't know when Ben will visit, just give him time, okay.", I finish and feel the tears flow. Leah wipes them away and kisses my forehead.

"I am so proud of you.", she speaks.

"Thank you.", I reply.

"Do you think, you could wait at the entrance? I have to tell your dad something.", she asks calmly.

Leahs POV:

Marie nods and turns around to the grave.

"Bye Dad don't go too harsh on her.", she laughs trough her sobbing, then turns around and walks towards the entrance of the graveyard. I wait until she is out of hearing distance until I do what I wanted to do here.

"I know, you don't know me Mr. Schmidt. I am Leah Williamson; I play football and I am very much in love with your daughter. I just wanted you to know that I intend to treat her well. I swear that I will treat her like a princess, and I hope that you look at us from up there and think that I am good for her. I will take care of her.", I say to the gravestone. "That is all I wanted to tell you. It is sad I never got to meet you in person, but I am sure you were an amazing person and an even more amazing dad.", I finish and turn around to rejoin Marie.

"Done?", she asks as I reach her. I nod. She doesn't cry anymore; she even smiles, and I love to see this.

"What did you say to him?", Marie asks as we leave the cemetery.

"That will be his and my secret.", I reply.