Love and Fury

Chapter 3

     Beep, beep, beep. Groaning, I smack my alarm off. Great, it's time for my first day at this new school. This weekend had gone by so fast and of course I didn't do anything. Well, I guess I can't say that. I unpacked the rest of my room and set it up. It feels more like me here. Well, as much as me as it will ever feel being in a new town.

     Basically, my parents left me alone all weekend after that incident with me throwing the drugs out. I'm not sure when they left. It could've even been that exact night that it happened. After I went back upstairs, they might have just left. My mom probably woke my dad up all pissed off she didn't have anything to get high with. Whatever. They don't want to contact me, I won't contact them.

     I guess if I really wanted to, I could check and see if they are back yet. If they aren't back, I could totally just skip if I wanted too. I probably won't, though. I already had truancy fines a couple years ago from skipping and I ended up having to move in with my best friend's parents because they didn't want me skipping school. I love them so much, but gosh are they strict.

     I definitely do not want to have to do that again, so I guess I should go. I'm going to have to get it over with eventually, right? Groaning once again, I get up out of bed. Hopefully a shower will get me going. I already feel the heaviness of anxiety weighing on my chest. It already feels like I can't breathe and I haven't even gotten to the school yet. Thankfully, I'm close enough to the school that I can just walk, I don't have to take a bus.

     Heading down the hall to the bathroom, I keep an eye out to see if I catch any of the other lights on in the house. All the ones I turned off last night are still off, so I bet my parents have yet to come home. Great parenting, leaving your 16 year old alone for 3 days straight. I wouldn't even be so mad if it wasn't my first day of this new school.

     I don't know why I was expecting my mom to even be up at this time let alone help calm my anxiety before starting. I know I don't have a normal family, but she could always throw in some normal for me every once in a while. Maybe life wouldn't feel so damn sad.

     Turning the light on to the bathroom, I turn the water on hot and shut the door. I don't know how people can take cold showers. Granted, I do wash my hair in cold water. That's only because I color it a lot and that helps it stay longer and more vibrant than if I were to wash with hot water. Still though, my whole body? No thank you.

     Taking my nightgown off, I step in the shower and I am instantly rewarded. The chill from my window being open while I was sleeping instantly washed off me the moment the water hit my skin. It was like standing underneath someone pouring hot tub water on you. I will give this place perks on the hot water tank, because this feels amazing.

     I let myself stand there for at least fifteen minutes before I actually started doing my shower routine. I could have probably stayed in the shower for hours and hours, but unfortunately I can not. The shower did help my anxiety a tiny bit but definitely not much. It still felt as if I was gasping for air. I really hate when my anxiety gets this bad, I hate feeling like this.

     Turning the water off after finishing my shower routine, I step out. Grabbing the towel from the towel rack, I wrap myself up in it. Then, I just stood there for what felt like forever. I'm standing there just trying to catch my breath, but no matter what I do it just feels like I'm being suffocated. It will continue to be like this until the school day is over. I might as well just push through right now, because I'm gonna have to later anyways.

     Leaving the bathroom door open, I walk back to my bedroom. I usually get dressed in my room while the bathroom unfogs itself so I can use the mirror for my makeup. Why stop now that we're in a new house? At least I can keep some things from my old routine still alive.