Love and Fury

Chapter 7

It's been a week since Braxton cheated on me. To say that I'm a mess? That's an understatement. I'm totally and 100 percent a wreck. I've only been to school like two days this week. I say 'like' because I went one full day and then I went back the next day; but then I ditched out early because I couldn't handle anymore of the staring.

Of course everyone in the school knows what happened already. Even the people that weren't there that night. I'm pretty sure there's a video that got recorded. Thankfully, I do remember most of this fight. Maybe because I was just so hurt by it that it implanted in my memory, who knows.

I'm still going back and forth in my head on whether I regret doing it how I did at the party or not. Maybe I shouldn't have made it a show like that, but I know one thing for sure; I enjoyed beating that bitch up. Anyone who knowingly has sex with someone who has a significant other is trash. You can't tell me any different.

It's Friday night so that means I have two days before I actually have to start going to school again before they send someone looking for me. I can't help it. The amount of staring that happens when I walk through those halls is enough to send me into a panic attack. I just wish I knew why they were staring. Do they hate me? Are they on my side?

All I know is I still feel like someone reached through my chest, and took my heart and crushed it. Vampire Diaries style. I don't even know why I feel like this. Obviously he wouldn't have made a good life partner for me if he can't even keep his dick in his pants. Of course I go and fall for the first person that shows an interest in me. Just my luck that he is also a douchebag.

I haven't even really talked to Sky that much either in all honesty. I know I saw her hooking up with April at the party, and I meant to talk to her about it. Then, everything happened and I just shut myself out. That's what I do. That's what I'm good at. I'm trying to change and not be like that anymore.

Taking my phone off my nightstand, I send Sky a text. 'Hey, sorry I've been MIA. Did you wanna do something this weekend?' Hitting send I set the phone back down and get on with my inner conversations.

My head has been like this since I said what I needed to say to Braxton in the woods. It felt good to get all of that off of my chest. It still doesn't make what he did hurt me any less. I'm not sure why I was so open and trusting with him. I'm usually never like that. I won't ever be like that again.

My parents break my heart day after day that they decide to use drugs, I won't let another man hurt me like this. Hurt me to the point that I haven't even wanted to talk to my best friend. The one who has been calling and texting me everyday just to make sure that I'm okay. She even walked over to knock on the door. I ignored it.

I am proud of myself for not self harming in any way. I started that early in my childhood just because of my parents. I know it sounds stupid. Why would anyone want to hurt themselves and leave scars on their body? For me, it's about focusing on that pain. All I can feel is the burning from the cut I just placed on my body.

I like the scars. I know where each one has come from. Each scar I give to myself, I can go back and remember that I was in control for that one moment of pain. It gives me pain that I can control. I decide whenever I hurt myself. Unlike heartbreak. That shit just comes out of nowhere and I swear it hurts worse than just hurting yourself.

    Bzzz.. Bzzz..

My phone vibrating took me out of my mind for just a second. Sky texted back. 'Well it's about time you got a hold of me. I'm coming over later tonight, I don't care what you say. I'll be over as soon as I'm done helping my parents with dinner.'