Love and Fury

Chapter 9

     Summer was amazing. I'm sad that it was over so soon, but that's what happens when you're living your best life. I have enough saved up from the ice cream shop to start looking for a decent, used car to get me back and forth from any official job. The ice cream shop is an official job, but they're not open year round and I need something through the fall and winter.

     Not much new has happened during the summer. Just working, partying, and catching up on some shows. By catching up I mean rewatching my comfort show, The Vampire Diaries. Now it's time to get in the swing of things while going to school. Unfortunately, working during my senior year is in the books if I ever want to move out.

     I'm excited for my senior year of highschool. I was always someone who enjoyed going to school, and now I'm finally not lame anymore. All through school I used to get bullied. It even happened here at this new school a few times. I ended up being friends with the right people, and now I'm left alone.

     Now, don't get me wrong, I am in no way popular. I'm just not getting bullied about my appearance or home life anymore. I'm left alone, and if someone wants to start something, I usually have it handled and over by the end of the day. I don't care for drama and never care to be a part of it. I have better things to do in life.

     Don't get me wrong, Sky and I sure do have our spats. We usually get over them within that day, sometimes they drag. I guess it depends on what we're fighting about. I try not to fight with her though, because when she isn't my friend, no one else in our group is either. I guess it makes sense because she's been around longer, but it still sucks and hurts.

     Anyways, I'm not trying to fight with anyone this year. This year I want to focus on work, and graduation. I'm nervous about this year's classes because I'm really not the smartest. All through elementary school and middle school, I had straight A's and was on the honor roll. Not so much anymore. Unfortunately, mental illness got in the way and I started to slack off.

     I probably won't ever be that straight A, honor roll girl again. I'm too busy just trying to survive everyday. Focusing on school was a lot easier when I didn't know what my parents were up to. Back when I really was just a clueless kid. Some days I'm glad to know what happened to my parents to make my life like this; some days I wish I was that clueless kid again.

     I don't have intentions to go to college or anything like that. Working a job is just what I plan on doing. Lets face it, even if I wanted to go to college I wouldn't be able to afford it. I would be in debt for literally the rest of my life. Maybe if my grades were better I could possibly get a scholarship, but that's not it. I'll have to figure out how to make do without it.

     Getting up from my desk and checking my phone, I see it's already midnight. Tomorrow is the first day back to school and I should probably try to sleep soon. I know that this is my last, first day of high school so I wanna be nostalgic and pick out my outfit before I go to bed. Kind of cliche I know, but I didn't have the best childhood. Certain, weird things bring me nostalgia that a normal person might not get nostalgia from.

     Going over to my closet, I start to browse. I don't have anything too crazy, and it's just school so it isn't that big of a deal; but I do want to try and look good. After a summer of finding myself and healing, I'm ready to get back out there. I think I'm ready to date again. I don't know if that is with someone at school, or someone I meet on the street. I just know that when I meet that someone, I know that I want to at least be looking decent.

     Going through my shirts, I settle on a thin gray, bleach splattered Nirvana shirt. It's a loose material so it won't feel so heavy and hot. I can't imagine I'm not going to have anxiety going into my first day of senior year.