Something's Wrong With the Different Realms

Five: Third Wheel

Isla Venus

I was the third wheel. Bored from watching Summer and Breena converse animatedly, I took in the plain old cafeteria in all its glory, taking in everything, from the snippets of conversation floating around to the bright fluorescent lights stuck on the roof. Then, I glanced at my lunch which was just a plain old cheese sandwich.

I sighed and then held my head with my hands. Breena and Summer were nice enough, they usually greeted me in the hallways and gave me help on my assignments if I'd said I needed it but we were just casual friends. They'd ignore me while they were talking and I couldn't jump into the conversation if I wanted to add something. It made sense as they were close friends but it was difficult to fathom at times. Especially when they talked about how they called and texted each other during one of their conversations. No one would usually call me or text me unless they needed something. I used to call and text Regina before the incident, but now, there was no one at all.

Although realizing my situation as the third wheel had made me feel bad at times, I'd stuck with them. No one else I'd met was as friendly as Summer or Breena and I hadn't had any luck striking conversations with people. I'd made my effort and did my part but people usually forgot about me or didn't like me for some reason. I didn't want to feel any more lonely and friendless than I'd already felt so when Breena and Summer invited me to eat lunch with them for the first time, I'd taken that opportunity. Though, inevitably, I'd still feel lonely at times while I was with them.

It was the little things. Things like how people rarely reached out to you. Things like how people on social media would like your posts but never comment on them. Even Breena and Summer didn't comment on my posts. It was such a small thing to fret over but it was something, alright. Things like how when my birthday happened, no one had wished me a happy birthday on social media, and no one had even bothered to send me a private message. Of course, Breena and Summer would wish me a happy birthday in person and send me a red velvet cupcake, they were nice after all. And of course, my family did hold a large celebration for me, I did love my family.

Some of the other small things I noticed in person. When I was walking with Breena and Summer, I'd always walk a few steps behind them and never beside them. They wouldn't walk at my speed or I'd get pushed into the wall or pushed off the sidewalk so I always had to walk behind. It wasn't their fault, I was just born observant, that's all.

And maybe I was overthinking this, but after the Regina thing, my senses had sharpened and multiplied, making me notice every small detail. Making me extra hopeful for new friends while being cautious and untrusting at the same time. And maybe me sort of being jealous of Breena and Summer's tight-knit friendship was my fault. If I was jealous of what they had because it reminded me of what I and Regina used to have and something that is now and would be forever unattainable, it was probably my fault. Heck, I probably should've tried a bit harder and slightly altered my personality so that I was more likable and would have friends and would not be lonely.

Maybe. I don't even know. It was at times like this that I questioned my looks. Sure, I was plain, but I didn't hate the way I looked. I was alright with it. But I couldn't help wondering if I'd have an easier time making friends if I looked more like Ivy. Or maybe it could be a racial thing. I had no idea.

At that, I wondered if maybe someone would have a crush on me if I'd looked better. Or if I was still average-looking but I was white or white-passing instead of being a mixed half-Black, half-Asian girl. Of course, I wouldn't like them back, I was aromantic and asexual, but it was the thrill of realizing that someone found you attractive that made me feel good.

I sighed, pondering over everything that probably wasn't going to help with my situation. I decided to open Google Docs on my phone and pull up the document with the book project on it. If I wrote something down, maybe my thoughts would align instead of me thinking in circles and circles and circles.

After I'd written down a sentence or two, I thought I heard someone call my name. I thought that was Summer's deep voice that was asking for me. I poked my head up but I saw that Summer and Breena were still in the throng of their animated conversation. I peeked my head down again, when you were lonely, your mind tended to play tricks on you; it was a cruel thing.

Then, the voice called my name louder. "Isla? Can you hear me?" it said.

I peeked my head up, this time finding Jasper's medium-brown eyes and a quizzical look on his face. "Sorry," I said, grinning a small grin.

"Want to sit with me and my friends," he said.

I shrugged. "Why?"

"No reason," he stated.

"Okay?"

Then he glanced around again, looking pointedly at Breena and Summer who were still conversating. "You can invite them if you want to as well."

"Okay, why not?" I said, moving to carry my lunch.

"Breena, Summer, I'm going to eat with Jasper and his friends. You guys are welcome to join me if you want to," I announced.

That finally got both of their attention. "Sure, we'll join," Breena and Summer said, standing up.

"Cool," I said.

I sat there awkwardly with no idea what to do while everyone around me chatted animatedly. I decided that I would pick at my food instead. Although Jasper's intentions were nice, it wasn't going to work out, I would forever be the third wheel.

Noticing my awkward picking of the food, Jasper decided to give me a pitying look. "Why don't I introduce everyone to you and you can introduce Summer and Breena if you want to?"

I nodded, meeting Jasper's medium-brown eyes. "Sounds good."

"This is Caleb, my best friend; he's also in 10th grade," Jasper pointed over to a tall, lanky guy with chocolate brown skin and dark hair.

"This is Caspian," he gestured towards a guy with medium beige-tan skin, light brown eyes and bronze hair. "His mom and my mom are actually best friends."

"Finally," Jasper's voice wavered a bit, "this is um, Kailan," he gestured to a guy with hazelnut hair, sea-blue eyes and a light skin tone. "He's my good friend but he's best friends with uh, Caspian."

I smiled and took in Jasper's light flush on his light skin. He most likely had a crush on his friend, judging from how he sort of stuttered through introducing Kailan. I mean, I could see it I guess. Most people were aesthetically average looking but if you spend enough time with them, their looks begin to differ and you tend to think that they're aesthetically good-looking. Besides, some people just have a type, maybe Jasper's type was dudes with brown hair and blue eyes. But hey, I wasn't one to assume so it could be another reason entirely as to why he was stuttering. So, I just shrugged and smiled.

"Your friends are all in your grade, yes?" I asked.

Jasper nodded. "Yes. Why don't you introduce your friends?"

"Alright," I said.

I pointed to Breena first, she was the shorter one with shoulder-length black hair with bangs, black almond-shaped eyes, and yellow-beige skin. "This one's Breena," I said.

Then, I gestured to Summer, she was the one with rosy skin, dirty blonde golden hair, and dark brown eyes. "This one's Summer, she looks like a summer. They're both in my grade," I stated matter-of-factly.

"Cool," said Jasper.

"Now..." Caleb piped up, "tell me how your creative writing project is going. Jasper told me that you had to write an entire freaking book by the end of the year and it had to be a long book as well!"

That was a topic I could add some input into without worrying about being interrupted or being reduced to the third wheel, or the seventh wheel or whatnot. So, for the rest of the lunch period, we chatted about my book, books in general and stuff like that. I had a chance to speak instead of being ignored. Everyone jumped in, even Breena and Summer who had paused their enrapturing conversation to add their input.

Could it be that I was making new friends? Maybe. I don't know. All I knew was that during this lunch break, I had a good time chatting with people, and I felt like I belonged.