The Smile You Hold

Puddle of sorrow

It was a few days after the get-together. I was back at my estate, watching as the rain fell onto the fluffy grass. Today, I was informed of a new routine for Hashira's. Since we're always busy, to give us time for recovery, each of us have a week of rest after every two weeks of work. Three Hashiras are off at the same time. It just depends on who goes after. Master decides everything.

I was stuck in my thoughts until I felt the rain shift and hit against my leg. The gentle water ran down my leg to the tips of my toes. From there, the water detached and fell to the grass. I watched the cycle repeat, wondering what purpose rain held. Sure, it watered plants and trees. However, without rain, greenery would adapt to live with little to no water. So, what was the real purpose for rain? To be an inconvenience? Or was it truly just to save the plants from drying out.

The little drops continued to drip down my leg. The water was cold, my legs felt even colder. Yet, it felt soothing. The feeling of rain felt like a lullaby. A soundless lul. I leaned back, laying against the wood floors of my engawa. My eyes grew heavier, like the heavy clouds covering the blue sky. My vision faded into black as I was slowly luled to sleep by the soft rain.

***

Again. Blinded by the darkness of my own mind. Not a single dream or nightmare to be seen. Only an empty pit. A void of nothingness. People say dreams have meanings. Well, what does it mean if you dream about nothing? And I don't mean like you go to sleep and wake up type of nothing. I mean, you go to sleep and stay in an empty pit of darkness, then wake up. At first, this was terrifying, and I remember waking up with tears. But now, I'm used to it. Sure, the void is empty, so I'm floating in darkness with my senses blocked. So it's only my thoughts there. Sometimes, it gets bad, and I remember my past. I don't see it, I just feel it.

Like the rain on my legs. In my dream, I don't see it, nor do I feel it. But I know it's there, and somehow I feel it then. It's like a manifestation of some sort. It's unexplainable. And Kocho called me weird for it. So I don't really mention it to anyone. Just, sometimes it gets to be a bit too much, and the darkness is a bit too dark sometimes. So when I wake up, I'm usually in tears and sweat without really knowing why.

Oh, goodness. Tomioka? Tomioka? God, you're freezing.

Something like a whisper came out in my dream. I pushed it away, thinking it was just my own manifestation. After all, they happen most of the time. Then, weirdly enough, I didn't feel the rain on my legs. Then, warmth came through, and soon enough, I was awake with a wet face and a wet rag on my forhead.

"Goodness gracious. You're quite stupid for falling asleep in such weather. Surely you've got a brain in there?" I felt a knock on my head, and my hands reached out to grab the fist.

I was finally able to open my blurry eyes and focus on the person in front. Surprisingly enough, it was Uzui. For some unknown reason, he was here in my estate.

"God, does it always take you this long to wake up?" He got a smack on the head by a woman who was kneeling beside him. "Ow!"

"Oh, hush it. You're not a baby." She looked over to me. She reminded me of someone Tanjiro wrote in one of his letters. He even drew a small drawing of him. What was his name? Ino... Inosuke! There. Both looked quite similar.

"You guys, stay more quiet. He has a cold and loud noises aren't the best. He might develop a headache." A gentle voice on the other side of me spoke. I looked over to her, and she had a warm smile on her face. She reminded me more of Tanjiro. Sweet with a kind and calm soul.

"What is -." I got cut off as another woman from behind me spoke.

"Don't get up! Just relax! Doing anything will make your fever worse!" She placed my head back on my pillow. "Me and the girls will do everything while Tengen takes care of you!"