The Smile You Hold

Clear blue skies

I hold the hair of a hag. Small wind creates tangles, and water makes it fall. The rain breaks it, and sleep plays with it. When dawn hits and my eyes flutter, I'm met with a nest filled with tangles. Brushing my hair brings me to tears, ripping and pulling and getting annoyed. Frustration grows, and I grip at my hair, pulling and yelling till someone hears. The kakushi come, filled with worry. Meeting a weeping me with clots of hair in my hands. They usually come and help with my hair, staying patient for a bit. It takes minutes to hours, and some come and go, I'm left weeping with more of my hair covering the floor.

***

I woke up to be met with a nest. Knots and tangles covered my head. The neat hair I went to sleep with came out a nightmare at dawn. I never knew how this happened. Even small wind created knots in my hair. It was a pain to deal with such hair. Some days, it brought tears. Today was one of them.

I sat in front of my mirror, tears falling at the pain. I ripped many strands of hair, most falling like leaves in autumn. Today I had to be quick, I had a meeting I couldn't miss. So I was carless with my brush, ripping and pulling and giving up. I got dressed and ran out.

On the way out, I tied my hair back, hiding most of the unpleasant view. I'd deal with it once I got back home.

The slight breeze brushed through my hair, playing with the strands and looping them together. I could feel the knots tightening together. I could only hope for them to stay weak enough to break. I didn't want to rip any more hair out. It hurt like pins.

Only adjectives I could think for my hair were rough, ugly, twine like strands that were a pain to take care of. Only if I had silky hair like Mitsuri or Shinobu. Uzui had lovely slicked back hair. And Shinazugawa's messy do, never got tangles. So why did mine hate me so much? I washed it often and brushed it every dawn and dusk. Why could mine never behave? It looked like a rot. I hated it. If I could cover it, I would.

***

Once again, I was in the room where meetings were held. It was a much more comfortable aura since I befriended a few. Muichiro sat with me, explaining his mission. Outside, he looked cold, but inside, he truly was a young kid. Shinobu was with us, too, since she came with Muichiro.

"You should be more careful next time, okay?" I softly spoke as Muichiro explained his injuries.

"I agree, I often see you with cuts and bruises." Shinobu added.

"Alright. I'll try." Muichiro nodded.

"Bow, master is here." Two girls opened the sliding door, and our master came in with the help of his wife.

***

Like always, as if it was a tradition, we went to Mitsuri house for a get-together. Mitsuri always had many delicious meals and snacks already made for us all. Drinks imported from different countries always decorated her table.

This time, Shinobu and Muichiro sat beside me. The two chatted with me. I tried my best to answer them both. Thankfully, they gave me time.

I could feel Sanemi staring me down. I could always feel his firey stare burning into me. It smelted my confidence to ash till I was left crumbling to the floor.

The night went by quickly, and soon, we all said our byes. I said bye to Shinobu and walked halfway home to Muichiro's before bidding him farewell. I walked my path home, a familiar gravel road. It was closed in by trees reaching towards the dark blue sky peppered with stars.