The Smile You Hold

river flow

With limited days, I wept. In the room filled with cold air, I wept as salty tears fell from my eyes. My eyes felt puffy and heavy. I haven't cried this hard since the death of my dearly beloveds. A bone crushing cry would have left me if I could. However, many others were around my room, slumbering. So all I could do was choke out a whimper silently. I was begging every God out there to hear my plea.

***

"Are you going out already?" Sumi asked as she watched me put on my geta.

"Yes, I'll be out on a walk. Inform Shinobu about it when she comes back." I waved at the girls before walking away. It was sunny and warm, yet I had to stay careful and wear my shawl. It was an irritating thing to wear. Leaving small irritated scratched on my neck. But it was all for my health. Non returning health.

Halfway into the path, and I was already out of breath. Embarrassingly, I sat down off the side and leaned against a tree. I brushed my hands along the grassy terrain. The smell of wood engulfed me. The sounds of trees swaying surrounded me, and the sun's rays shine through the tight canopy.

"This is so embarrassing." I whispered to myself. I was a trained Hashira, yet I was the one out of breath, wheezing for air. I walked less than an hour, and I was already brought to my knees. Was it due to my inactiveness? Or was it purely the side effect of my illness?

I felt my eyes get heavy. The drowsy feeling swept over me as the warmth of the sun lulled me to a wash of calmness. Though, it didn't last long. A crunching of gravel was heard, and before I knew it, three teens stood before me.

"Tomioka! Isn't this a bit of a weird place to sleep?" Zenitsu, without thinking, blurted out.

"He's a weirdo anyway." Inosuke, the other spoke while picking his ear. Well, technically, his mask's ear. He so happened to get a hit from Tanjiro, alongside Zenitsu. He got a hit as well.

"You two are so incompetent." Seems like Tanjiro has grown a bit of an attitude. It was funny seeing them three bicker when it usually was just the two.

"It's alright. I took a walk, and it seemed like my body wasn't on my side." My voice croaked, and instantly, the three looked up at me, as if knowing I was unwell. Zenitsu had amazing hearing, Tanjiro had enhanced smell, and Inosuke had a very sensitive sense of surroundings.

"Here, let us help you to the Butterfly Mansion, I assume that's where you reside at the moment?" I gave a nod, and Tanjiro took my right arm while Zenitsu took my left. Even if I thought I needed no help, I couldn't help but feel off balanced. If it wasn't for the three, I most likely would have fallen.

"I apologise for such an unpleasant greeting. I'm just a bit ill at the moment." I smiled the best smile I could muster up with my lacking energy.

"It's alright, take it easy." Tanjiro's bright aura washed over me. His sunshine warmth could ease anyone right away. It truly stunned me how such a young boy could be this mature and kind for his age. Though he does seem to be developing an attitude due to the two accompanying him on his journey.

As we made it past the thick canopy to the more cleared out area, I knew we were close by the mansion. I can only imagine what type of scolding I'll get from Shinobu. I could already feel the chill running down my spine. It didn't go unnoticed.

"Are you alright, Tomioka?" Zenitsu looked up with a questioning gaze. Him and I weren't close and didn't get along well in the past. But lately, the kids have grown on me.

"I'm alright. Just. . . I'm not anticipating the scolding I'll get from Shinobu." I admitted. I could see a small chuckle escape Tanjiro and Zenitsu. Inosuke was in his own world.

"You'll get a lovely greeting from her." Tanjiro chuckled. Zenitsu added on.

"It'll be a sight to see."

Sure, it will.

***

"How can you be so stupid? You're sick and as frail as an old lady! You can't be going out all alone. At least bring one of the girls with you!" I sat, knees to the floor and head bobbing down as Shinobu gave me a scolding of my life.

"Sorry -."

"Sorry isn't gonna cut it when you walk out and drop dead to the floor, and who knows, a demon sees free food and will eat you. You know what'll happen then? The demon is strong beyond belief." She sighed as she gripped the bridge of her nose. "Be glad the three found your sorry ass." She glared at me. I could feel sweat dripping down my back.

"Next time, I'll bring the girls with me." I sheepishly replied. My voice meek under her fierce gaze.

"There won't be a next time. You're under house arrest. Front and back yard, that's it." She stormed off. I didn't retilate. No use, her mansion her rules. I was only staying here due to my tuberculosis.

With a huff, I stood up and went out to the backyard. Making sure to stay close to the shade, the heat of the sun made me dizzy.

I sat down by a tree with the largest shade. I had to stay outside, one way or another. The fresh air is said to heal me. Though, I can't feel it. I feel worse by each passing day. Shinobu informed me that I'll have to tell everyone else soon enough. My heart broke. All that hard work. . .

Before I knew it. I was tempted back into the void. This time, only a sliver of a voice could be heard. A soft one.

Flower, gleam, and glow
Let your powers shine
Make the clock reverse
Bring back what once was mine
Heal what has been hurt
Change the fates' design
Save what has been lost
Bring back what once was mine
What once was mine

It was a soft song I knew so well. Night after night, when I couldn't sleep. My sister sang a song that brought me the same fate. Sleep. Her hushed voice, accompanied by a gentle tone, made me sleep better at nights of terror.

How I miss her.

***

I was awoken with cold sweat as I darted up straight. I gasped for air. However, I got none. I choked for air. I was as hungry as a ravenous beast.

In complete panic, I grasped at my neck, my other hand crinkling the sheets of the bed. I slid off, falling to my knees with a thud, alerting a few of my struggles.

Before I could regain my composure, my vision blurred, tears streaming down my face as I grasped for air. My knuckles rapping against the cool floor.

I felt a hand on my back before I slipped into the void once more. This time, it was different. Less of a void more of a world. How strange. A small light was seen in the distance. A small speck, it would take a while to walk there. Yet I didn't feel the concept of time. I only followed the glimmering light in the far distance of this endless void.

I hoped to reach the end.

***