Assorted Character Oneshots

IDFC - Sal Fisher

Summary: YN has it rough and locks themself in their room, listening to sad songs at an astronomical volume just so they don't have to feel.

Triggers: depression, smut, light choking

Word count: 2391

___ hated the way they felt so overwhelmed all the time. The movies always played it like depression was some numb feeling people got from time to time and, as sure as they were that some people felt that way, they didn't. They were so lucky as to get the depression where they feel all emotions all the time at the highest volume, never having a moment to breathe.

They weighed the ideas of feeling sadness and anger and anxiety at all times turned to eleven and feeling nothing at all. They thought maybe their depression manifestation was better for them. The idea of feeling numb was scary, but sometimes they would love nothing more than the color to drain from the world around them or for the lights to disappear and plunge the world into complete darkness just so they'd have one less thing to worry about overstimulating them.

They moved through the halls of their college campus with a dazed look entirely. Anyone else looking at them might think they were disassociating, off on some adventure in their own mind or maybe not thinking at all. but they were very present. They couldn't get the thoughts to stop rolling. Always thinking about something, some deadline, some project, some social gathering they'd promised to attend. Always something going on. The only relief they got  was when they went home and slept from the moment their bag hit the floor until their alarm went off the next morning. This was the cycle, this was something they couldn't break.

They didn't want to sleep so much, but it was the only time their thoughts stopped racing, stopped feeling. They needed a break and that was the only break they ever found. The bell signaling the end of the day rang, pulling ___ from their seat and towards the door.

They walked all the way home, which wasn't far at all, but they had to pass by their old apartment on the path which always sparked some form of paranoia. Rarely, they would look on the slowly decaying bricks with nostalgia, remembering the days where they and their friends would ghost hunt and hang out in Larry's basement apartment until three in the morning getting high and listening to music or playing video games. Some times they would go down by themself in the middle of the night just to escape the darkness of their own apartment. Larry's  room was a place of such warmth and love that you couldn't be sad when you were there. They wished it still held that same warmth, but now they couldn't even bring themself to cross the grass line that shot up between the cracks in the sidewalk leading to the apartments front door.

They carried on home, slowly falling  back against the door to close it. They peeled themself from the wood and trudged downstairs to the basement where their room stood in the very back corner. Sal had come into the living room just as they had passed through, calling out a greeting to them that they subsequently ignored. They didn't try to, but the world was just so overwhelming that they couldn't help what their brain shut down in order to process the day.

Sal frowned from behind his prosthetic, a concerned look knitting his brows even though no one could see. Larry followed behind him after ___ had disappeared. He looked down to see the way Sal gazed after them. 

"They not talking again?"

"Yea, I don't know what's wrong. They won't tell me. I just want to help."

Larry gave him a compassionate look, nodding, "I know, I'll try talking to them again but sometimes we can't help. Some things just need to take their course."

"I know," Sal sighed before patting Larry on the shoulder, heading into the kitchen to start looking for dinner.

Larry ventured down the stairs and found ___'s door locked behind them as per usual. He knocked  and waited, alternating for a little while before giving up when nothing came of it. He went back upstairs, shaking his head when Sal gave him a questioning look. The defeated pout he gave after only solidified the sinking feeling in Larry's chest.