Soleil (bxb)

Chapter 12. La Lavende

Summer scrolls through his and Caleb's messages from the last hour. He's on the plane now so he can't keep texting him but that doesn't stop him from rereading everything Caleb previously sent to him.

He has to do something to distract himself from the fact that he's trapped in a space with far too many people. Flights are always overwhelming for him especially long ones. It will take several days to recover from this one.

"Are you doing all right?" Ivy asks looking up from her book.

Summer quickly shuts off his phone. "I'm okay. Just bored." He avoids looking at his mom because she's way too good at figuring out when he's lying.

He hasn't been back to France since his maman's funeral. Last Christmas his grandparents had flown to his aunt's house in the US and Summer had spent the holiday with them there. It had been a horrible Christmas but at least he hadn't had to face the emptiness of his grandparents house when his loss was still so close. Even now he doesn't know how he'll be able to bear it.

Part of him is afraid that his return to France will trigger another tragedy. He knows what his therapist would say about that though so he's doing his best to let the thought go.

He turns his phone back on and opens his texts to Vee. He misses them. He hasn't seen much of them this summer. He's not exactly avoiding them, at least not intentionally, he just doesn't want to keep burdening them with all of his bad days. And he feels guilty.

When he moved back home in early March Vee visited him frequently even though at the beginning Summer rarely got out of bed and never spoke. Vee didn't mind. They would sit with him for hours just so he didn't have to be alone. They refused to let Summer push them away like he did everyone else and he found their presence comforting.

But guilt is always a part of Summer's depression and he feels extremely guilty about how much of their time Vee gave up for him. Avoidance has always been his biggest flaw when something is troubling him. He's been avoiding Vee for almost a month now. He's feeling guilty about that too.

Summer sighs. I should call Vee when I get a chance. I can't keep doing this to them.

It's late evening when the plane lands. Summer's grandma is waiting to pick them up. She hugs both Summer and Ivy tightly and then insists on carrying their suitcases to the car for them despite their protests. Ivy and Summer give in quickly. Agathe has always been quite good at getting her own way.

"Your grandpa has been cooking and baking all day," Agathe tells Summer when they are all in the car. "I hope you're hungry."

"I've missed grandpa's cooking," Summer's fingers idly play with one of the hair clips he took out of his hair, "but I'm really tired. I think I'll just go to bed."

"That's okay, mon coeur. You can eat tomorrow."

At his grandparents' house Summer is once again engulfed in a hug. This time by his grandpa. He lets himself sink into the familiar embrace trying to forget that there is one less than there should be. Tears sting his eyelids and he quickly pulls away.

"I'm really tired. I'm gonna go to my room."

Patrick looks concerned. "Do you want me to bring supper up for you?"

Summer shakes his head. "No, I'm fine. I'm just going to go to sleep."

He makes his escape upstairs to his bedroom and leans against the closed door trying to breathe. His chest feels tight and tears tremble on his eyelashes.

He grounds himself by wandering around his bedroom and looking at the different things he left here. Framed art on the walls, clothes in the closet, second copies of all his favorite books, a soft, light brown teddy bear named Truffle. Summer strokes the bears soft fur.