When Summer makes a bet with his best friend to remain romance free for the summer it seems easy to him. He has rarely dated or had much interest in dating and it's the last thing on his mind right now as he recovers from a bad depressive episode.
S...
The songs I listened to while writing and editing this chapter. They aren't on my Summer Sunshine playlist but they are all on Nicole Zignago's album escrita
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When Caleb wakes the other side of the bed is empty. Through the open windows warm, sweet scented air drifts in and he can hear Summer humming the way he does when he's concentrating.
He gets up, dresses and goes outside. Summer is sitting on the porch swing sketching. He looks up when Caleb sits next to him. Caleb kisses his cheek. "Sleep well?"
"Very well. Did you?"
"I did. Have you been awake long?"
"Only about half an hour." Summer turns his sketchbook toward Caleb so he can see the soft lines he's drawn. He took inspiration from last night. It's a rough sketch of the curve of his bare hip and Caleb's hand resting on it. "Art is how I process things and last night was a lot to process. In a good way," he adds quickly.
"No, I get it. Good things can be overwhelming too."
Summer smiles and tips his head back on Caleb's shoulder. "Do you write to process?"
"Usually, yes." Caleb slides his hand down Summer's neck pausing when he catches sight of the faint marks on his collarbone. He hadn't intended to give Summer hickeys but his skin is so light that even the slightest mark stands out.
"Admiring your work?" Summer asks teasingly.
"Yes." Caleb kisses him.
"So shameless," Summer whispers against his mouth. He pulls away and turns so he can kiss Caleb properly. But there's something off about him and after a moment Caleb stops kissing him.
"Are you okay, Summer?"
Summer sighs and lets his head fall to Caleb's shoulder. "Not really."
"What's wrong?"
Summer shakes his head. "It's not that something is wrong. It's just my depression. Some days I wake up and everything is off. Empty, colorless, emotionless. Sometimes it lessens as the day goes on or it could stay the same or get worse."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Not for this."
That is something Caleb is teaching himself to accept. He can't do anything about Summer's depression. Love is not some magical force that will heal him. He cannot love depression away. But he can love Summer and he's very good at that.
Love, his brother Gabriel told him once, is something you have to practice. He wasn't actually talking about romantic love at the time but Caleb figures it's the same for romantic love too.
The conversation came up when Caleb found out Gabriel was gay. Caleb was twelve and Gabriel was eighteen and had just introduced his boyfriend, Joel, to his family. One of Caleb's classmates, who went to the same church the Solanas did and thus knew about Gabriel's boyfriend, had said several cruel things to Caleb.
