Ex's to Lovers

Chapter 3

In which Alfred (metaphorically) asks for a shovel, then digs his own grave with it.

"I just want to hit Ivan with an ax."

Alfred mumbled somewhat petulantly, already mentally decapitating the stupid Russian that got him into this damn situation. If Ivan hadn't filled Alfred's locker with sand, it would never have come to this. (Alfred was still shaking sand out of his books, days later.) Natalya glowered, and Alfred could have swore her hair turned into snakes like Medusa in Greek myths, he definitely did not pee a little in fear, not at all. If course, if he had, he couldn't be blamed, there were rumours even Ivan was scared of her when she got mad. 

"What?"

Natalya demanded in a tone that could freeze hell over, or at least all of South Carolina, and Alfred quickly searched for anything at all he could say to get him out of this situation. Unfortunately, Alfred hadn't gotten any smarter under pressure in the last few minutes, and though at least this time his mouth chose to listen to his brain, his poor brain had short circutted, and Alfred said something very, very, dumb, without thinking it through.

"It's because Ivan is my ex!"

Alfred could have killed himself, or rather, he thought it would have been safer than what he just said. What had he been thinking? Why would he say Ivan was his ex? No one would ever believe they were dating, their mutual hatred was far too obvious for that, and even if she did? Natalya, the girl famous for wanting to marry her brother, would surely kill him for daring to date her brother - lie or not. Alfred opened his mouth to backtrack and somehow fix his mistake, but it was too late, and his brain just completely gave up. 

"Ivan is your ex?" Natalya repeated with her eyebrows raised, "You were dating my brother?" 

Well, Alfred figured, he'd dug his grave and he may as well die in it. He nodded bravely in the face of Ivan's scary sister, determined to stick to his story to the end, if only for the last bits of pride he still had. He waited for the scoff to follow and the angry biting voice. Instead, a miracle happened. 

"I see," Natalya mused, looking thoughtful, "That makes so much sense." 

What? What exactly made sense? Alfred would have liked to demand that of Natalya and point out that it was obvious that they were rivals, if not enemies, but things had somehow miraculously worked out, and even Alfred wasn't dumb enough to blow it. Nataly seemed to think of something suddenly and looked sharply back at Alfred. 

"Did you break up with my big brother?"

Pride be damned, Alfred wasn't stupid enough to tell Natalya he was the one who broke her big brother's heart, even if it was fake. Alfred shook his head desperately. 

"No! I would never!" He entreated desperately, and Natalya's eyes widened.