Ex's to Lovers

Chapter 62

In Which Alfred is Almost Murdered by His Best Friend

"I just dont understand why Ivan keeps refusing to break up!"

Alfred moaned those words to Gilbert, after his fifth try, which earned him a punch to the gut and a glare that would have put Medusa to shame in terms of petrifying people. Gilbert stared at Alfred with disgusted curiosity one not unlike how he looked during biology when they dissected frogs.

"Are you dumb?"

Gilbert finally asked, and Alfred smarted at hearing those words from Gilbert of all people, who he figured was at least the same level as him in regards to stupidity, if not lower, considering that he refused to wear his glasses to correct his vision, and went around all squinty eyed, thinking he looked cool, whereas Alfred properly wore his glasses and looked just fine. Alfred communicated these feelings in a rather nasty look, which only prompted a Gilbert to respond back with a bit of pettiness as well, accidentally spilling something he hadn't meant to say.

"It's obviously because Ivan is in love with you!"

Any other person might find it questionable that their rival, a person who used to hate them, and they used to easily return the feelings, might be in love with them. Sadly, Alfred's Self-confidence was only second to his density, and it had never at any point occurred to him that Ivan might feel otherwise. Which is why he accepted Gilbert's Freudian slip with almost no reaction.

"Yeah, but shouldn't he want to break up more, in that case? Like, isn't it annoying to fake being my fiance?"

Gilbert looked at Alfred like he'd never seen him before, which is what he was wishing was rather the case in this moment. After a second, he decided Alfred hadn't heard him, or at least hadn't registered it yet. Since he'd already let the confession slip, and didnt particularly like Ivan at all, he had no qualms about exposing Ivan's feelings a second time,

"I said Ivan is in love with you!"

Alfred blinked, not understanding why Gilbert was repeating himself.

"I know that?"

Gilbert began to consider the benefits of killing Alfred right there and then. The pros of which were that he would not ever have to deal with Alfred's overwhelming density and incomprehensible self-confidence ever again, among other things. Since the cons were that Ivan would probably murder him in revenge, and he might actually miss his best friend, Gilbert took a deep breath to steady himself. Alfred watched with a bemused entertainment, like Gilbert was a funny show in a language Alfred didn't know. Just as Gilbert was calming down, Alfred dealt a finishing blow.

"But anyways, what does that have to do with him refusing to break up with me? Should't he actually really want to?"

Gilbert felt something inside him snap, and lunged at Alfred, fully intending to smother him with a pillow. Alfred was saved by Mathew popping his head around the door to Alfred's room and relaying a wanting that distracted both of them.

"Al, Arthur said if you make any more noise he'll make you clean the whole house. Hey Gil.".

Then Mathew disappeared with those words, and thankfully for Gilbert, and life-savingly for Alfred, Alfred promptly forgot his previous line of questions in favor of ranting about Arthur's "dictatorship".