"I know you feel the same for me, what I feel for you, stop feeding your little brain with lies and let your heart speak the truth"
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A story of contractual relationship but not the regular one where leads get into a c...
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I stirred in my bed when bright sunlight fell on my face passing through the balcony glass door. I slowly fluttered my eyes open. My mouth was dry, like I hadn't drank water in ages. Slowly moving, I removed the blanket and pulled down my legs, still sitting on the bed.
I was still in my last night clothes. I didn't have the energy to change it. My head is pounding, and I know it's not because of alcohol. I applied a little pressure on my head with both of my hands, but it didn't seem to work cause it wasn't a regular headache.
Acknowledging my surrounding, one pair of my heels was thrown in one corner of my room and the other pair in another corner. Clutch thrown on the couch, Eric's jacket hanging on the couch armrest, which he offered me last night. Some of my clothes were scattered here and there, some were tangled. In short, my room was total mess.
I reached for the jar kept on the bedside table, but it was empty. I sighed and checked the time, it's 9:00 AM. I should get up now, though it's a weekend, but I have to clear this mess or it will increase my headache more.
I got up and gathered my hair to make a bun, but I couldn't find the rubber band neither a claw clip. Fuck! why does it only happen when I am frustrated? I rummaged through every drawer, but I couldn't find a single thing to secure my hair. Seriously, do they have some kind of superpower to hide themselves whenever they are needed the most?
I calmed myself, and let go of my hair and went inside the closet to find something comfortable to wear. After changing, I came out and walked towards the kitchen to get myself water, but on my way I tripped on heels, falling down on knees.
Overwhelmed with pain, I blurted out some colourfull words, rubbing my knees gently. Finally, I reached the kitchen after a lot of struggle. Opening the fridge, I took out the water bottle and started gulping down from the bottle itself and all of a sudden I chocked on water, immediately coughing hard. I walked to the sink to not dirty the floor, rubbing my chest. My eyes were teary now, and I can feel the burning pain in my nose due to hard coughing.
I stood straight, taking the support of kitchen island but suddenly the water bottle slipped from my hand, spilling every drop of water on the floor, and rolled and settled itself in a corner.
I really want to cry right now. Why I am being so clumsy today? I pulled my hair out of frustration, slowly slumping down. Looking at the mess I created, I just want to bang my head on the wall. Wiping my tears, i stood up and brought the mop to clean the floor.
After cleaning the kitchen, I made myself a coffee and went to clean my bedroom. It took around an hour to clean up all the mess, but my hard work paid off, and I feel a little relaxed now. And now it's time to clean myself. I prepared myself a warm and relaxing bath to calm down my inner turmoil from yesterday. It was one of a hectic day.
I stripped out of my clothes and settled myself in the bath tub, and my mind drifted to last night events. The way Lucy and Ella were interrogating like I was some kind of criminal, they were hell bent on putting me down in front of Eric, especially Lucy. Well, whatever they can fuck off. I don't care.
The only thing which that was unsettling was Andrew's intense stare at me. He looked like he would eat me out alive and won't even burp. I felt bad the way I denied him yesterday, but I had my own reasons. I wanted to apologize to Eric for that two bitches behaviour, and I also couldn't leave someone who came there for me, and he didn't even made me request for it.
Andrew has always taken care of me. He had never left me in my hard time. I know I can trust him, he will always be there for me when I need him, but I don't want to use him when I cannot return the favour. I don't know why, but I feel guilty the way his eyes were full of angry tears, and the reason was me. I never wanted to hurt him but see the irony I am continuously hurting him unintentionally.
There is only one way I can stop hurting him even more. I have to be away from him, maintain a distance from him. I know it will hurt both of us, but it's better than me hurting him every time. He is just my brother's friend, nothing else. I should forget about the happy time we have spent since childhood. He was my favourite person. I don't know how we drifted apart growing up, but still I know the love, the care, linger in both of us heart.
A tear slipped down my cheeks as I thought about it. I harshly wiped the tears, and came of the bathtub and wrapped myself in a fluffy towel. I have to be strong. I know it's hard to ignore him, but aren't we doing the exact same thing from past years and have to continue the same. It won't be that hard. I am just exaggerating. We have our own life and have to live it in our own way.
Coming out of the bathroom, I did my skincare routine, wore comfortable clothes, and made myself some noodles. After finishing my breakfast or you can say lunch cause it's 1:30 PM now, I went to work on some designs. Work load is increasing day by day and I am busy in coping up with my life. I have to keep my professional life and personal life apart, and focus on both equally and should not compromise with any of them.
At first, it was hard to focus cause my mind used to go back to Andrew, but a little pep talk with myself helped.
My eyes hurts, sitting in front of screen continuously for hours. I did manage to complete some designs, and I'm proud that I was able to focus. There is so much in my heart that I want to let out, but there is no one to listen to me, to give me suggestion, to tell me whether I am doing right or wrong. I want to call Hazel so bad and reveal everything that's going on with my life but I have to restrain myself from doing so.
I don't want to add my problems in her plate when she herself is struggling. I wish all her dreams would come true and show that she is not a weak or dependent girl; she is strong, independent, and has the power to achieve her dreams without any support.
I kept on thinking about her, Andrew, my family, Eric, switching the scenarios one after another. I know I overly overthink and to stop this, I need to meditate.
I made myself dinner, and this time a healthy one, and ate in silence and did meditation before going to the bed, and as expected it worked, making me have a sound sleep.
