YEJI
It feels like the end of the world. I can't put my mind at work, I cannot take my mind off of Ryujin. The fact that she's no more a part of my life. I miss her. I miss her every second of the day. She had become a part of my routine. Even now when I receive a notification I wish it's her.
I wish she randomly shows up at my work, or randomly show up at my house. I still go to our favourite café occasionally. I just want a glimpse of her. She have treated me so good for the past one year, I'm so grateful for having her.
But now that I cannot call her mine anymore, I feel like throwing up every time I think about the good times we had, because I pushed her away. I threw out relation like I never cared about it. I was hurt. My ego stopped me from texting her, calling her.
We did not even remove each other from our socials. She is someone who post frequently, but now, not a single post for three months. Not any evident activity. I ruined her more than I hurt myself.
But she cheated. I remind myself that every time I think about wanting her back. She did not try to reach for me either, now she got a girl who sends her nudes and can satisfy her. Why would she need me? I hate her. That's a lie.
I want to hate her for the things she put me through.
_____________________
"Stop crying over your breakup now. I cannot see you crying almost every day" Lia pressed a glass of water against my mouth. I slightly pushed her hand away. "I wonder what we lacked. Was it the lack of sexual activities?" I cannot get myself to believe that we're over.
"You know Ryujin better than me. Don't think something like that, it's just that she found someone else more interesting than you maybe"
"I don't know Lia. That's the only thing we did not do in our relationship" I'm crying again. And I hate it.
"Yeji, listen. You always told me, Ryujin got me flowers, Ryujin took me out on a date, she wrote you a letter, she wrote a song about you, she did this she did that. Did you ever say, I wanna do something for her? I'm not saying that's the reason for you guy's breakup. But she did everything she could."
I'm sobbing. I put my face in my palms. I really did nothing for her. She was always the one putting efforts, she was always the one expressing the most important things in our relationship and I always made it hard for her to open up to me because of my communication issues.
"My efforts in this relationship was really less" I sob more. Lia hugs me and rubs my back. "It's fine. You can still go to her. Do things right."
But she cheated! "She cheated on me Lia"
"I know, that's the only thing why I hate her. I always so you smile because of the things you do, you guys looked like you were made for each other. And now, she's the reason you're crying"
Lia have seen me through the happiest moments of my relationship, so seeing my cry my lungs out is not something she ever witnessed. "I love her"
I cannot deny the fact that I still love her even if it hurts. "Give her a chance? Meet up with her. Express everything you can. Not like- you say something because you expect a reply from her. Just say whatever is on your mind"
