Without you (a Matthew Kim/Bm x male reader story)

Ch 16

Authors note: this chapter contains vivid descriptions of Suicide. If that makes you uncomfortable or triggers you then please don't read.

*weeks later*

Laying in bed I stay curled up in a fetal position hoping that if I keep holding tight enough that the pain will stop. My eyes are sore and I've cried so much I ran out of tears to cry. I hear someone entering my room and know it's Abby when she speaks up. "Declan please. At least eat something." I just stay quiet as she sighs and mumbles softly. "I have to go to the store right quick. I'll be right back." I wait for her footsteps to fade and the front door to open and shut before I slowly move and shakily get out of bed. I stumble my way to the kitchen grabbing a pill bottle from the cabinet that's thankfully unlocked and a sharp kitchen knife then head to the bathroom. This is the first time Abby's left in weeks and I know she won't be gone long. I open the pill bottle that contains pain meds Abby got a while back from her wisdom teeth being removed she having not used them all. I down a whole handful of pills with a glass of water and then take the knife and run it across my wrists deeply not even feeling it because of the numb pain I have. I watch as the blood starts flowing down my arms and just take a seat on the floor staring at the wall until I start getting sleepy I laying down and just close my eyes surrendering myself over to the fuzzy sleepy feeling.

(Matt's Pov)

Laying in bed staring up at the ceiling miserably I jump when my phone rings I immediately ignoring it. It then rings again I still ignoring it not wanting to talk to anyone. Finally after the fifth time I grab my phone from the nightstand and blink when I see it's Taehyung something inside me telling me to answer so I do. "What do you want hyung?" He immediately says in a worried tone. "Matt they just took Declan to the emergency room for a suicide attempt. His managers been trying to get ahold of you because he thought you should know." My heart sinks and I immediately feel nauseous and dizzy I knowing that he did this because of me. "Matt? Matt you alright?" I snap out of it and say a little firmly. "I need to get ahold of his manager so I'll talk to you later." I quickly hang up then dial the number for Declan's manager he immediately answering and I say in a demanding tone. "Which hospital is he at?" The manager tells me the hospital name and I hang up grabbing a jacket and put on my shoes before grabbing my keys and lock up before rushing to my truck I hurrying to the hospital. I quickly park and rush inside heading to the floor number the manager texted me and I spot Abby pacing I quickly making my way over she looking up and her eyes narrow at me then next thing I know she lunges at me and throws a sharp punch I grimacing as she yells angrily. "You son of a bitch! You broke my brother! Thanks to you he slit his wrists and overdosed!" I flinch and speak up softly feeling broken. "I'm sorry I didn't want to hurt him. I was forced to leave him and it's the worst mistake I ever made." Her eyes narrow again. "What do you mean you were forced to leave him?" I sigh and say softly. "My manager and the CEO came across a picture someone took of us kissing. If I didn't break up with him they would have disbanded your group and kicked you both out of the company." She stares at me warily and then gives a reluctant. "Fine you can stay." Just as she says that a doctor approaches and Abby and I quickly walk over to him nervously. "How is he?" The doctor looks between us before saying softly. "He was legally dead for a few minutes but we got him back. We then pumped his stomach and stitched up his wrists." I feel my stomach drop when I hear the doctor say he was dead and soon Abby gets my attention. "We can go back to see him now." I swallow and nod following her down the hallway to a room she walking inside while I take a breath before stepping inside only to feel my heart break when I see the sickly pale, underweight, bags and purple marks under his eyes that are red and swollen from crying. I move closer and gently take his cold hand intertwining our fingers together tears pooling in my eyes. "I just wanted to keep him safe from being kicked out. I didn't want to ruin your guys music dream." It's quiet for a moment before Abby speaks up. "You should have talked to him about it Matt. He'd have chosen you and I wouldn't have minded that choice because you made him happy. He loves you so much that he would rather die than lose you and that's saying something because Declan has been depressed but no matter how bad it got he NEVER considered suicide or self harm." I speak up a little softly. "Are you trying to make me feel better or worse?" She rolls her eyes before saying flatly. "I'm saying that I need to know if you love my brother as much as he loves you." I look at her saying seriously. "I love him more than anything in the world. I'd give up everything for him. I was considering quitting so I could be with him." She seems to nod and then hesitates before saying softly. "You stay with him tonight. I'll get a hotel room close by and if he wakes up call me." I nod giving her an appreciative look she giving a small smile as she leaves and I sit down in the chair beside the hospital bed where I clutch onto Declan's hand staying by his side.