just a normal patrol

Chapter 4 - 2

-Katsuki pov-
When the old man leaves deku just kind of sits there. I can't read his emotions. He looks happy about being adopted, flashbacks still reminisce, sad, angry, tried, and shocked all at the same time.

"Deku, are you okay? Be honest with me please."

"I'm a mix of things r-right now." He sounds tired, his voice is cracking from sobbing and screaming.

"What are you feeling, is it coming in waves, what emotions are there?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm tired, a little numb, but other then that I'm fine." I pick up the ice pack and walk to the freezer, each step another thought or worry. 'Was he going to stay numb? Was he going to have these episodes often? Was he going to stay this way? Was he feeling guilty? Was he upset about being adopted? Was he just shocked?' The thoughts polluted my brain until I finally reached the freezer and put the ice pack away. When I walked back I didn't see the nerd, I started to get worried and searched around the dorm eventually I found him in a tiny dark corner, in a closet reading. And I should stop calling him a nerd?

"Hey, you okay? Why are you in here, it's dark. Do you want me to turn on the light?" I fumbled around for the light switch and turn it on.

"WHAT THE FUCK DEKU?" I shouldn't have yelled, I'll admit that, it was a knee jerk response to a situation like this.

I see Deku trying to push his sleeves up as fast as he can only being able to get one sleeve up half way, and a razorblade sitting on the floor. When I realized he flinched when I yelled I felt a ping of guilt hit my heart that wasn't there before. I had made him flinch before, but this time i knew why he was flinching and it hurt that I may have triggered something that reminded him of the bastards.

"I-I'm sor-sorry." He seemed more scared than I had caught him then the fact then the fact that he had just slit his fucking wrists. He was bleeding, and yet he was the one who was fucking apologizing.

"I'm s-so sor-sorry." The tears that were welling up in his eyes were now falling down his face. I ran out of the room and grabbed the first aid kit then rush back to Deku's side.

"Ar-are y-you mad at me-e?" He struggled to get the words out in-between his choked out sobs. I was confused as to why he would ever think I would be mad at him about this but then I remember pretty much our entire lives.

"No, I'm not mad at you. I would never be mad at you for something like this. Just concerned." I flash him an affirmative smile however my brows are furrowed with worry. I pull out gauze and medical tape. I unroll the gauze and start wrapping it around his arms, every once and a while he winces cause I pulled it too tight.

"Sorry," I mutter laced with a tinge of worry. I was so close to bursting out into tears and hugging him. My upper lip quivered with uncertainty of what to do.

"It's fine, I'm sorry." He wasn't crying anymore, and I couldn't decide whether that was a good or bad thing but he still wouldn't look at me. 'Why won't he look at me? Is he scared to look at me? Is he mad? I know he doesn't want me to know, but why? Did he think I would be mad? Did he think he would be a burden? Why won't he tell me anything?' I finished bandaging him up which quickly snapped me out of my thoughts.

"Alright, now where's the blades?" He was still hugging his knees to his chest. "Oh, it was just the one-" I cut him off, I wasn't stupid. I knew he was fucking lying.