More Than Just A Dream

American Idol Judges

Dexter and I had been hanging out constantly for a week. I was hoping he could be my saving grace, and help me to forget and to help me feel more than just pain and loss and loneliness. But I figured out it would never go away.
Erik still haunted me day and night, and being with Dexter would make it better and worse. He'd make my pain bearable, but my guilt worse.
I didn't know why he came to me, or why he's so interested in me, he could probably have any other girl. He's a great friend, like an extremely close big brother. And I can't sort out my feelings for him; frankly, I don't even know if they are there.
I don't think I can be in a relationship, a serious one, after Erik. Even if he can help get my mind off of him, he's always what it drifts back to. I don't think I could ever love again to be honest.
My appearance had gotten better, not by much, the only things was my eating habits had returned and brought some color to my face. But Dex couldn't only prod me so much to eat, otherwise I had no desire. The want, no need to be with Erik always lingered. I still thought living without him was pointless.
"Where do you want to go today?" Dexter asked wiggling his eyebrows as he turned down a one-way street.
"Don't know, you choose."
"K, close your eyes. It's gonna be a surprise."
I sighed and closed my eyes. "You really are like a kid, you know that?"
He just laughed and I felt the car take a quick turn. I felt the car stop but stayed still and kept my hands over my eyes, I heard my car door open and Dex guide me out.
"Open." I did as he said and came face-to-face with the opera Populaire. "I figured since you always talk about music, and singing, and operas, we could come here. It's been full restored and it's in good condition. And how could I forget, it's where we first met!" He explained happily, making a wife gesture with his hands. I masked my pain with a forced smile and nodded fake enthusiastically. We walked side by side into the opera house, an action I was quite familiar with.
I clenched my hands and dug my fingers into my palm, I didn't want to show weakness in front of Dex and I was about to whimper at the wave of painful memories that just flooded over me. I didn't want to bleed and have to answer his questions either.
So I bit my bottom lip, until I felt a smooth liquid run down my throat, the rusty taste of blood sitting on my tongue.
"You alright?" Dex asked and I blinked awakening from my haze.
"Oh yes, just dandy." I replied sarcastically, my dry humor sounding sour as it came out.
He still laughed and shook his head in mock disappointment. "Well I was just thinking we could watch tryouts today, you know? Like American idol, we can be the secret judges."Dex explained, suggesting the last part with a smirk.
I nodded enthusiastically and he grabbed my hand, I felt heat spread through my hand. It was a small gesture, but it made me feel safe, and wanted. Ever since-
I stopped. He's not here! He's not here....
I felt the hairs stand on the back of my neck as the feeling of being watched returned. My head craned to the side and I caught a glimpse of a black shadow in the yellow light of a window. But it whisked away before I could make out any detail. My eyes narrowed in suspicion but snapped back to the stage at a loud clap. My eyes focused on a middle aged man with brown-ish gray hair and a goatee, "hello my name is Andrew, and auditions start right now!"