Distraction |Obikin

14.

We arrived at Naboo. I knew we would be there for three nights but that was all I knew. I didn't know what meetings Padmé had to attend, I didn't know which of those meetings I had to be at and I didn't even know what room I was going to be staying in. Those were all things that Obi wan kept track of.

I avoided him as much as I could for the rest of the journey. I didn't want to see him, and I know he preferred to not see me. He hurt me and I know he couldn't stand to look at me after that. I'm sure he thought that I couldn't face him because of what he did, what he said, but his actions weren't the reason that I didn't want to face him.

I acted angry and sad by avoiding him and I let him take all the blame when I knew that if he found out the truth he would be the one that was hurt. If he knew that instead of spending nights laying next to him begging for his attention, I was with Padmé, he would be hurting the way he imagined I was.

In all honesty he had no right to be hurt. There was no reason for me to be begging for him to love me when Padmé loved me without question. Padmé could give me what I'd wanted from him, and thats not my fault. He had no right to be hurt because he was the one that didn't love me.

Yet I was still avoiding him. Yet I still couldn't tell him about me and Padmé.

I was laying next to Padmé, I could feel the warmth of her skin clinging to my own. her skin was soft and warm and her body pressed into my side while her head delicately laid on my chest. Her hair was soft and kept even after sleeping on it. Padmé was with me right now, Padmé was the one comforting me, Padmé didn't have to worry about the role the Jedi Code took in their relationship. Yet I couldn't stop thinking about Obi Wan.

Obi Wan and his glassy eyes and trembling voice as he left me on my knees.

I sat up and looked down at Padmé beside me. She lay on her side with a lose grip on the sheets, a minute ago she was holding me. Normally she would be wearing a nightgown that would sprawl across the bed in the same way her hair did across the pillow, but right now her skin was bear.

Her skin was smooth on her body as it outlined features such as her collarbone and the softly defined muscles in her shoulders and back. Her chest grew and fell every few seconds. Her glowing pale skin continued down her chest until the sheets covered what was left of her body, thought there was a divot in the sheet that revealed part of her breast.

Her face was so peaceful and at ease, not a single crevice in her skin would give away the stress she must be feeling knowing the danger her home is in. Her lips were soft and pink and her eyelashes fluttered momentarily. Soft brunette curls were sprawled across the pillow behind her.

She was gorgeous. She was just as gorgeous as the day Anakin met her, he'd even say she had grown into her beauty much more since then. The word beautiful couldn't even begin to do her justice.

Obi-wan was gorgeous, just in a different way. Where Padmés skin was smooth and soft, his was defined. His shape was sharper than hers, but not at all less sexy. Instead of Padmés enticing curves and unmarked ivory skin, he had broad shoulders and defined muscles that displayed his hard work and commitment. His skin had scars here and there to attribute to all that he has fought for. The hair on his skin was more stubbly and scratchy than Padmés, and it matched his facial hair. His hair wasn't brunette but sandy brown. The hair on his head was just as soft as Padmés. 

I felt the need to choose one of them, but I didn't want to. I loved them both in similar, but different ways. When I had just one of them I didn't feel complete. Right now with Padmé I felt grateful for her by my side, yet I didn't feel happy. In the few split seconds I felt like I had Obi-wan I still missed what Padmé gave me. I wanted them both and it made me feel greedy and selfish, but I didn't care. I loved them both so what was wrong with having both of them? 

At this point I didn't have to choose, because I couldn't have Obi-wan. He made it very clear that there was no way I could ever hold him in the way I wanted to. I would never have him. But I had Padmé, she was laying right next to me. I could at least be happy about that.  

I got out of bed knowing I wasn't as happy as I could be.