Distraction |Obikin

7.

I was just laying in the small bed, on the ship, thinking about what had just happened. I had ruined my relationship with my former master. He was off with the Senator, who I had also wrecked my relationship with, probably talking about something going on in the Senate, and he was just trying to get his mind off o what had just happened.

When I was with Padmé not too long ago, at the lake on Naboo, I remembered kissing her. She had just looked so beautiful in her dress that flowed in the slight breeze. She also wore such a beautiful smile, I couldn't help it.

I tried to convince her that being in a relationship wouldn't be as bad as she made it out to be, but she didn't change her mind. She told me over and over that not only could I be kicked out of the Jedi order, her reputation as a politician would be ruined. And in the end, I believed her.

I had believed that it wouldn't be a good idea the first time she said it, but I wanted it, badly. Maybe it was her perfect brown eyes, or her soft hair, or the way she looked at me, maybe it was her fragile, yet fiery traits, or the way she laughed, or the way she looked into my eyes, but when I was with her I didn't think about anything else. Not even Obi-wan.

Maybe we could have been friends, maybe we one day would have become more than that. But I ruined it. I ruined it that night she came into my room. I ruined it when she crawled into my bed. I ruined it by not sending her back, I ruined any chance of friendship with her in my own selfish way of wanting to get over my out of control crush.

Maybe if I had rejected her I would be able to hear her voice in delight rather than feeling startled. Maybe if I had rejected her I would be able to look at her without thinking about those nights. Maybe if I had rejected her I would be able to look her in the eyes without feeling enormous guilt.

But I hadn't rejected her, I gave her what she wanted without thinking about the long term consequences.

And maybe if I had asked Obi-wan about my crush when I was younger, something he would have said would make it die down and I wouldn't be in this situation right now. Maybe if I had found a way to deal with my crush earlier rather than ignoring it I wouldn't be in this situation right now. Maybe if I had seeked out some guidance early on I would be able to have a normal relationship with my former master.

But I hadn't, I hadn't done any of those things. I ignored my crush thinking that it would go away, while unknowingly I fed the flame.

Now the fire had gotten out of control, now I had let it consume me and my thoughts.

And because of that the same thing that happened to mine and Padmé's relationship would happen to mine and Obi-wan's. It would be completely ruined. Padmé had tried to make it seem like nothing had happened, keeping our relationship "professional" for now. This only brought more guilt on to me.

Obi-wan most likely would do the same. He would try to act "professional" while still shutting me out. Right then I could feel through our bond, his shields wouldn't let anything in, not even air, all in hope of keeping me out of his thoughts.

He would only act that way for the rest of the mission, after we would probably barely talk at all. Maybe he would take on a new padawan learner. Maybe we would catch up once in a while. But he'd request solo missions, missions without me, he'd make it so we would go our separate ways and our bond would be broken. All because I couldn't control my silly crush. All because of how stupid I was.

This mission would be long, and awkward.

But then it hit me like a speeder. We had a long time before we would be returning to Coruscant, I could save our relationship. Not all hope had to be lost, I could make sure he didn't leave me.

I then vowed that no matter what I did from then on, I'd make sure that Obi-wan would not leave me like that, I'd make sure our relationship wouldn't end like that.