What's a Heart to a Soul

1.6 Liar, Liar...

I opened my eyes and was now sprawled out atop my ocean blue comforter, the air leaving my lungs in a heavy sigh. The room was dimly lit by the moonlight streaming in from the bay window and for the first time since I had arrived a comfortable silence filled the space. My roommate, Annabelle, had run out to meet up with someone or another and I was more than okay with finally getting a moment alone. My phone vibrated in the pocket of my gray hoodie and I let out an irritated sigh as I fished it out and peered at the bright screen. My heart sputtered slightly as I saw her name.

Dev: Did you make it okay?

Me: Yeah.

Dev: How is it so far?

I shrugged to myself and let my head fall back down onto the pillow, what kind of question is that in the grand scheme of things?

Me: My roommate talks a lot.

Dev: Is she everything you'd imagine a prep school girl to be?

I cocked my head to the side, now this is an interesting question.

Me: What exactly do you imagine prep school girls to be like?

Dev: Hot.

Me: Jealous?

I watched the three dots encased in a bubble appear and then disappear like invisible ink.

Me: She's not as hot as you.

Dev: But she is hot?

I rolled my eyes and let out an irritated huff.

Me: She is average looking. You're not usually one to fish for compliments, are you okay?

I had judged her for asking me how things were going and now here I am asking her this blatantly absurdly obvious question.

Dev: Are you?

Valid point.

Me: No.

Dev: Did you ever finish writing that song?

I glanced up at my desk and then back down at the screen.

Me: I did.

Dev: Can I read it?

Me: I don't know if that's a good idea.

Dev: Please? I guarantee it can't possibly make me feel any worse than I already do.

I let out a breath and swung my legs over the side of my bed, the cool hardwood sending shivers through my whole body like a freeze ray. I paced over to the desk and grabbed a paper from the stack and placed it on top. I clicked the camera icon on my phone, holding it above the paper before snapping a picture and then staring at it for at least a full minute. With a good ounce of uncertainty I clicked send and then ran back to bed. I tucked myself in tightly, far too much time to think as I waited for her response. I had never understood the phrase but the silence truly was deafening in this moment. Unable to stand it another minute I opened my phone and clicked on the image and reread my stream of consciousness.

You're like a breath of fresh air
The wind in my hair
You're the calm after the storm
The shelter to keep me warm
Like the rain after a drought
You're all I can think about
And the reassurance I need to not doubt
In myself
But the thoughts spin around in my head
Or at least they're swirling again
My mind in a haze
In a daze for days
My heart in a endless race
A crescendoed pace
You're my saving grace
I could kiss you for days
You always amaze
My heart is not a maze
So you can find it okay
But our time never stays
For time ticks away like a phase
And time cannot be beat
I can't fix a blank sheet
For there's nothing to complete
Just an emptiness to deplete
It makes so numb
I'm just so young and so dumb
But missing you brings me pain
You're my light in the dark
My back against the bark
And my cover from the rain
You're my sanctuary after an escape
And the dopamine releasing in my brain
You're the only thing I can think about
Leaving you tears me apart
And I can feel the fractures in my heart
I've known it was you from the start
And your bodies like a work of art
The images of you are distinctly fading
And because of that my brain is evading
The fact that I can't hold you
And I told you
I missed you
But it's more than words
It's like yearning for a day that has yet to come
While thinking about one that's already done
And getting through the current moment without focus
Because my brains in a fog and I just feel hopeless
Yearning for the future
While living in the moment as I wrote this
Your touch I crave
To be in your embrace
I want to kiss your lips
And I'm so pissed
That time is keeping us apart
And playing with my heart
That you hold dear
Even when you're not near
And distance makes me fear
Things I don't want to hear
But it's so clear
You're everything I want
and you're here
In this font
That I jot
The clocks ticking as time passes
And it's like I have a new set of glasses
You're the beauty in everything I see
And my home no matter where I may be