The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #2

Randy: That's a crazy idea. Insane. It doesn't make sense.
Zenitsu: You'll do it?
Randy: Of course.

Giyuu: I only have two emotions: exhaustion and stress. And I'm somehow always feeling both simultaneously.

Randy, putting their hands over Zenitsu's eyes: Guess who!
Zenitsu: It's either Randy or the cold, clammy hands of death.
Randy, putting their hands away: It's Randy!
Zenitsu: Dammit.

Zenitsu, in a high voice, holding Barbie: Hey, Ken! I was thinking about going back to school and starting a career!
Randy, in a deep voice, holding Ken: Nonsense, Barbie. You're staying home and having my kids.
Giyuu: What the fuck are you guys doing?
Zenitsu: Playing systemic oppression.

Giyuu: I'm going to ask you to be respectful.
Zenitsu: I will politely decline.

Zenitsu, knocking on the door: Giyuu, open up!
Giyuu: It all started when I was a kid.
Zenitsu: That's not what I-
Randy: Let them finish! 

Randy: Do I least have a chance to explain myself?
Zenitsu: This is America, so nope!
Randy: This isn't America, this is JAPAN!

Zenitsu: I'm gonna mix a can of Red Bull with seventeen shots of espresso in a fishbowl and then chug it while Kids by MGMT plays in the background so I can perceive twenty-three spatial dimensions and fight my own soul.

Randy: School sucks.
Giyuu: I know, but you have to do it so you can get a job.
Randy: What are jobs like?
Giyuu: They suck.

Randy, trying their first ever cup of coffee: I am ENERGY!
Giyuu, an avid coffee drinker, on his twelfth cup of the day: Someone slap me awake or I am literally going to fall into a coma in ten seconds.

Zenitsu, in the Nomicon for the first time: Who's in charge here?
First Ninja, shrugging: Usually whoever yells the loudest.

First Ninja: Petition to remove the 'd' from Wednesday.
Randy: Wednesay.
First Ninja: Not what I had in mind, but I'm flexible.

Police Officer: You have the right to remain silent.
Randy: I choose to waive that right!
Randy: *screaming*

Randy: I wish I had more enemies.
Giyuu: I'm sure you will someday.

Randy: *walks to cabinet, removes oreo box, takes half a sleeve, throws empty box out* Hi!
Giyuu: Hey- what are you doing-?
Randy, shoving an oreo into their mouth: I am saving space 😀

Zenitsu, to Randy: Well, one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me.

Zenitsu: I'm not funny, I'm just really mean and people think I'm joking.

Randy: I can catch one of them. Let's go, Giyuu.
Giyuu: I didn't volunteer.
Randy: A stake out needs two people! Think, Giyuu. Who's gonna watch all the crime stuff while the other one eats a hoagie?

Randy, holding a box of Lunchables: Ah, I loved these when I was your age... fine dining.
Zenitsu: Fix yourself.

Randy: I have a question.
Giyuu: Shoot.
Randy: Is the S or C in scent silent?
Zenitsu: Fuck you, I'm going to be thinking about this all day.
First Ninja: Okay well, cent is pronounced the same way as scent so I'm gonna say the S is silent.
Randy: Okay, but sent is also spelled the same way.
Giyuu: Google says that the C was added in the late seventeenth century, so I guess the S is silent.
Zenitsu: Plot twist, both the S and the C are silent and the E actually makes the sss sound.
First Ninja: Zenitsu is not allowed to talk anymore.

First Ninja: What do we think of Randy?
*pause*
Giyuu: *sighs* Nice kid.
Zenitsu: I think he's gay. 

Randy: Where are you going?
Zenitsu: Hell, eventually.

Zenitsu: I'm going to hell.
Giyuu: Probably.
Zenitsu: I'll pick you up?
Giyuu: *nodding* Carpool.

Randy: So, I've been thinking Zenitsu-
Zenitsu: That's dangerous.

Kidnapper: We have your child
Giyuu: I don't have a child?
Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich?
First Ninja: Oh god, you have Randy.