The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #30

*Giyuu, Zenitsu, and Randy are playing poker. Randy is winning by a long shot.*
Giyuu: Aw, come on.
Zenitsu: It's not fair! He doesn't even know what we're playing!
Randy: Go Fish?

Zenitsu: *Takes a sip of milk and gags*
Zenitsu: Oh my god, is this expired?
Zenitsu: *Takes another sip of milk*

Zenitsu: My Gramps told me I was found in a KFC bucket next to a dumpster and I was rescued.
Randy: You probably were.
Zenitsu: Oh crap, maybe that's the reason why. Maybe my lackluster feelings towards their fried chicken is because subconsciously I'm reliving the trauma whenever I see their trademark bucket. My brain and cognitive dissonance won't let me completely lie to myself and say I hate their food, because fried chicken is great and I want some now, instead it just steers me away. Thank you for helping to guide me towards this epiphany, perhaps now the healing can begin.

Randy: I will send my army to attack!
Randy: *releases a dumpster of raccoons*

Giyuu: You know, it's fine to admit you were wrong.
Zenitsu: *Sipping their drink after accidentally adding salt* I just like the way it tastes.

Giyuu: I'm terrible at expressing myself.
Randy, the only one who is emotionally intelligent: Don't worry, actions speak louder than words!
Giyuu: Yes, but my actions are also bad.

Zenitsu, to First Ninja: One universe, nine planets, seven seas, seven continents, and I had the unfortunate luck of meeting you.
Randy: Hey, that's not very nice-
First Ninja: There are only eight planets, you uncultured swine!
Randy, forgetting about Zenitsu: VIVA LA PLUTO, FUCK YOU!

Randy: *tapping fingers on table*
Zenitsu: *taps fingers back furiously*
First Ninja: ...What's going on?
Giyuu: Morse code. They're talking.
Randy: -.-- --- ..- / .- .-. ./ - .... . / -.-. --- --- .-.. . ... -
Zenitsu, wildly misunderstanding: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK!

Nomicon: Mice are having sex in my walls.
Zenitsu: Tattletale!
First Ninja: You're just being ungrateful.
Randy: It's their home too, you know.
Giyuu: So what? Don't slutshame them.
Nomicon: The mice are fucking AND now I'm getting heckled.

First Ninja: Where are my fucking keys?
Giyuu: First Ninja, Randy is around, can you say it a little nicer?
First Ninja: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

Zenitsu: A mosquito tried to bite me, and I slapped it and killed it.
Zenitsu: And I started thinking.
Zenitsu: Like, it was just trying to get food.
Zenitsu: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?
Giyuu: Are you ok?

Randy: Slash gamemode creative.
Zenitsu: Dude, this isn't Min-
Randy: *starts levitating*

Zenitsu: I have to say, I'm a little embarrassed for you.
Randy: This is a sports-related injury. It makes me look cool!
Zenitsu: Tripping over a basketball on your way to the bathroom is not cool!

Randy: Hello, I'm Randy. I work at a shop now. Here to help. Look, they gave me a badge with my name on it in case I forget it. Very helpful, as that does happen.

First Ninja, holding an antique bottle: Is this whiskey or perfume?
Randy: *grabs and chugs the entire bottle*
Randy:
Randy: It's perfume.

Giyuu: Remember everyone, violence is never the answer.
Zenitsu: You're right, Tomioka... Violence can't be the answer.
Giyuu: Correct, Zenitsu. Now, on to the next lesso-
Zenitsu: Violence is the question.
Zenitsu: And the answer is yes!
Giyuu: Zenitsu, no!!

Giyuu: Could you maybe just like... stab me... right in the gut. Just REALLY twist it in there. 'Cause that honestly seems less painful than this conversation.

Randy: I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

Randy: You need to stop swearing so much.
Zenitsu: Shut the fuck up.
Randy: Yeah, that's not how you do it.
Zenitsu: Alright sorry. It's just that it's hard not to swear. The words just creep up on me when I least expect it.
Randy: Now now, don't be like that. Just replace the swear words with 'beep' and you'll be fine.
Zenitsu: Shit the beep up.
Randy:
Zenitsu: SHUT, DAMMIT! I MEANT SHUT!

Giyuu: I'm a witch. I mixed some herbs and crystals together and now my crow knows the f-word.

Randy: Can you PLEASE peer pressure me into doing my project?
Zenitsu: Do it or you're straight.
Randy: I said peer pressure, NOT THREATEN!

*Responding to being stabbed by a sword*
Giyuu: Rude.
First Ninja: That's fair.
Randy: Not again.
Zenitsu: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

Cop: You ran a red light.
Zenitsu: So did you, hypocrite.
Cop: I was following you.
Zenitsu: That was dumb, I'm a terrible driver.
Cop: Get out.

Randy: The risk I took was calculated but, man, am I bad at math.

Randy: If I run and leap at Giyuu, he will most certainly catch me in his arms.
Randy, running towards Giyuu: Coming in!
Giyuu: No! I'm holding coffee!
Giyuu: *Drops coffee and catches Randy*

Zenitsu: I have met some of the most insufferable people. But they also met me.

*Zenitsu falls through the ceiling, landing near Randy*
Zenitsu: Hey, Randy!
Randy: Hey, Zenitsu!
Zenitsu: ...that hurt.

Zenitsu: Guys where did Randy go?
Giyuu: He got arrested.
Zenitsu: How the hell-
Randy: *bursts in through the window* The cops are after me, I thought it would be fun to steal crackers and throw them at people.

First Ninja: Alcohol is delicious! ...I mean, MAlicious. Sorry guys, I'm really drunk right now.

Giyuu: Hi, I'm Zenitsu's emergency contact.
Counter Woman: You're here to pick him up?
Giyuu: I'm here to remove myself as his emergency contact.

First Ninja: Oh and for your information, I don't have an ego.
First Ninja: My facebook photo is a landscape.

Zenitsu: I think this might be a bad idea...
Randy: Don't start thinking on me now!