The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #7

Zenitsu: Hostage or not, sometimes it's nice being held.
Randy: Are you okay...?

Randy: *About to do something incredibly stupid*
Zenitsu: I know I can't stop you, but I won't let you go by yourself.

Zenitsu: Giyuu isn't answering my messages.
Randy: Allow me.
Zenitsu: I tried 6 times, what makes you thi-
Giyuu: *replying to message* Hello.

Giyuu: Hello First Ninja, made anyone cry today?
First Ninja: Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.

Randy: Hey Zenitsu, do you have any hobbies?
Zenitsu: Swimming..
Randy: Really? That's cool. I never expected you to-
Zenitsu: In a pool of self hatred and regret.

Giyuu: What's the difference between a stalagmite and a stalactite?
Zenitsu: "Stalagmite" has an "m" in it.

Zenitsu: You know, there's something weird going on with your face?
Giyuu: What?
Zenitsu: You're smiling! I didn't know you could do that?

Randy: Wow, did you hear that voice crack?
Zenitsu: That wasn't a voice crack, that was a whole voice meth.

Randy: I made this friendship bracelet for you.
Giyuu: You know, I'm not really a jewelry person.
Randy: You don't have to wear...
Giyuu: No, I'm gonna wear it forever. Back off.

First Ninja: What is love?
Zenitsu: An emotional minefield.
Giyuu: A neurochemical reaction.
Randy: Baby don't hurt me.

Zenitsu: *plays shreksophone*
Zenitsu: Woo.
Zenitsu: Time to listen to this on loop for all eternity.
Giyuu: ...Genius coping mechanism my friend

Zenitsu, texting Randy: Randy there's a moth on the outside of the bathroom door can you get rid of it?
Zenitsu: Pls hurry because I'm going to cry
Zenitsu: Randy
Zenitsu: Randy
Randy: Randy is dead. You're next. Love, Moth.

Giyuu: As a responsible adult-
Zenitsu: *chuckles*
Giyuu: ... As a responsible adult—

Giyuu, sparing: You wanna fight?! You got one!
Randy: Okay! *raises fists*
*First Ninja runs in, scoops Randy up in their arms, and runs away carrying him*
Giyuu:
Giyuu: ...what?

Randy: I reserve the right to judge a movie based on when it was made, thank you very much.
Giyuu: You consider anything made before 2000 old and bad.
Randy: And I reserve that right! After all....
Randy: I bet you wouldn't like the average movie made in 1879!
Giyuu: There were no movies made in 1879.
Randy: *slams table* WRONG! There was ONE movie made in 1879! The first movie! A zoopraxioscope of a horse galloping!
Zenitsu: Oooh! Let's go ask First Ninja if he saw it in theatres!

Zenitsu: I've become a bread crumb dealer to four crows at the lake. They pay me with a bit of everything. Like shiny things, fabric, or pens. But recently they paid me with a 20 dollar bill they found somewhere. So I decided to buy them some more expensive bread. They loved it. So they understand what to do. Give me money. I've probably racked up about 200 dollars at this point. Is it morally wrong though, I mean. They're the ones who steal the money from others. Or perhaps they just have a big pile laying somewhere. Should I keep on doing this?
Randy: You sound like the start of a Batman villain.

Randy: honk.
Zenitsu: WHAT.
Randy: HONK.
Zenitsu: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT?????

Giyuu: Zenitsu, Randy, I've left a letter telling your guardians not to worry—
Zenitsu: They won't.
Giyuu: That you're safe—
Zenitsu: That'll just depress them.
Giyuu: —and you'll see them in a few weeks.
Randy: Do we have to?

Zenitsu: When I said bring me something back from the beach I meant like a conch shell!
Randy: *Struggling to hold a seagull* Fucking say that next time!

Zenitsu: The last time I went to an urgent care clinic, I checked off 'excessive crying' on the symptom list, and then the nurse got really confused and said that was meant for babies.

Randy: Oh, here's my award for the most rules broken! 
Giyuu: That's not an award, it's an angry letter from the Nomicon. 
Randy, hanging it on the wall: Well, it has the word 'most' in it, so I'm calling it an award!

Giyuu: *shatters a window and climbs through it* 
Giyuu: *turns around and helps Randy through it* Breaking and entering is wrong Randy. 
Randy: Okay.

Zenitsu: We'll find another route, it's not safe for amateur adventurers. 
Randy: That sounds like a challenge. 
Zenitsu: I have to stress, that is not a challenge. 
Randy: ...Is exactly what you say to dissuade the weak of heart from accepting the challenge. Well, challenge accepted! 
Zenitsu: There is no challenge!