The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #25

Nomicon: Are we really going to let Giyuu keep Zenitsu ?
First Ninja: We kept Randy.

Giyuu: Yes, I'm adopting Randy and you cowards can't tell me no!

Zenitsu: My expectations are low, but they can always go lower.

Randy: Have you heard of Murphy's law? The one where if something can go wrong, it will go wrong?
Zenitsu: Yeah, I have.
Randy: Have you heard of Cole's law?
Zenitsu: Is this a joke about coleslaw?
Randy: ...maybe.

Giyuu, watching Randy do something stupid: Zenitsu, you're officially only the second highest risk here.
Zenitsu: Hell yeah! I'm gonna—
Giyuu: Don't finish that sentence, you'll move back up.

Giyuu: I am not an early bird or a night owl. I am some form of permanently exhausted pigeon.

Zenitsu: Social distancing says you shouldn't be within an elbow's distance of each other.
*later, in a barfight*
Zenitsu: Social distancing doesn't say nothing about feet! *kicks opponent in the face*

First Ninja: *holds a gun out to Randy*
Randy: I-I don't believe in guns.
First Ninja: Well, trust me, they're very real. Now take it.

First Ninja: This is horrible! This is the most humiliating thing to ever happen to me!
Randy: Oh-? Even more humiliating than-
First Ninja: We are not doing this!

Zenitsu: Accidentally indulged in too much 'free time', turns out I've been reported missing for over six months and presumed dead by most local and national authorities.

Randy: What did you order this morning?
Giyuu: What do you mean?
Randy: I heard you answer the door, and I sensed food.

Giyuu: So, Zenitsu , do you have a crush on anyone?
Zenitsu: The only crush I have is this crushing anxiety.

Zenitsu, on a random band name generator: Oooo! They Might Be Depressed Horses! That about sums up my friend group.

Giyuu, teaching Zenitsu to drive: Okay, you're driving and First Ninja and Randy walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?
Zenitsu: Oh, definitely First. I could never hurt Randy.
Giyuu, massaging his temples: The brakes. You hit the brakes.

Randy, dealing with every emotionally constipated person he gets as family: Do you even, cuddle, bro? Do you even lift, bro... each other up with kindness? Do you tell your loved ones that you care about them regardless of who is listening? DO YOU EVER RESOLVE CONFLICTS, EMOTIONAL ISSUES THROUGH COMPROMISE AND COMPASSION RATHER THAN ANGER AND DENIAL?!

Randy: Oh, my God. Do you know what this is?
Zenitsu: It's a book. There's a lot of those in here, this is a library.

Zenitsu: HELP! I TOLD RANDY I'D COOK DINNER TONIGHT BUT I CAN'T COOK!
First Ninja, pouring milk directly into the cereal bag: And you thought I could help?

Giyuu: Look, Zenitsu, it's the third time this week you had a mental breakdown and it's Monday.

Giyuu, shakily: Please, just tell me what the book is about. The plot, please.
Zenitsu, reading an annotation on the cover of a book, unfazed: A subversive masterpiece. A deep and touching story. New York Times Bestseller.
Zenitsu, now looking directly at Giyuu: Go fuck yourself.

Nomicon: If there are no questions, we'll move on to the next chapter.
Giyuu: I have a question.
Nomicon: Certainly, Giyuu. What is it?
Giyuu: What's the point of human existence?
Nomicon: I meant any questions about the subject at hand.
Giyuu: Oh.
Giyuu: Frankly, I'd like to have the issue resolved before I expend any more energy on this.

Randy: Hey, wanna help me commit arson?
First Ninja: What the hell!?
Randy: Oh, sorry, my bad.
Randy, whispering: Wanna help me commit arson?
First Ninja, whispering: Of course. What do you need?

Zenitsu: This is a safety pin.
*cuts off end*
Zenitsu: It is now a danger pin.