The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #19

Randy: Giyuu is off at an appointment, so while he's gone, I'm going to cut the sleeves off all of my shirts.
Zenitsu: Why?
Randy: He's like 90% of my impulse control.

Randy: Any advice before Zenitsu and I fight?
First Ninja: Don't wet yourself in public.
Randy: Not the kind of advice I was looking for!

Giyuu: You're charged with.....breaking into a pet store?
Randy: I thought the animals might be lonely.

First Ninja: Well, you know what they say: Can't bake a pie without losing a dozen men!

Randy: If I stay in bed I'll be warm. If I get in the shower, I'll also be warm. But the distance between the bed and shower? No. That is not warm.

Randy, spraying a melted cutting board with a tiny water gun: We gotta cool this bitch down. Cool it down.
Zenitsu: I actually just put the cutting board in the oven...
Giyuu, visibly confused: Okay, so he decided to put the cutting board in the oven?
Randy, spraying Zenitsu: You FUCKING DUMBASS!
Zenitsu: Dude, I forgot-
Randy: OH MY FUCKING GOD! We're trying to make Chicken Alfredo right now, and you fucking MELT the cutting board in the oven at 400 DEGREES FAHRENHEIT!?
First Ninja: *Watching in complete confusion while trying to process this whole situation.*

First Ninja: What does a winner do when life gives them lemons?
Giyuu: Um, make lemonade?
First Ninja: No, they squeeze them right back into life's eyes!

Zenitsu: I'm never donating blood ever again.
Zenitsu: The second you walk through the door, it's just one invasive question after another!
Zenitsu: 'Where did you get it?' 'Why is it in a bucket?' I mean, do you want it or not?

Nomicon: Kill him.
Giyuu: This is the kind of quality advice I look for.

Zenitsu: I was born for politics. I have great hair and I love lying.

First Ninja: Giyuu, fuck off.
First Ninja: And by "fuck off" I mean "fuck off right back here and listen", you insufferable prick.

Zenitsu: If it pleases the court I would like to say that my opponent is TALKING SHIT!
Giyuu: ...

Zenitsu: There is no future. There is no past. Don't you see? Time is simultaneous, an intricately structured jewel that humans insist on viewing one edge at a time, when the whole design is visible in every fact.
Giyuu: ...All I asked was if you wanted to cut your birthday cake first.

Randy: Zenitsu! I thought you were dead!
Zenitsu: No, just in deep cover.
Randy: ...But it was an open casket.
Zenitsu: It was very deep.

Randy: Holy shit, First Ninja, do you know what this means?!
First Ninja: Kid, whenever you start doing this, nobody knows what you mean.

Randy: Made you all playlists!
Randy: First Ninja, yours has only heavy metal, and is dark like your soul.
Randy: Giyuu, yours has sad songs and blues to pair with your crippling depression.
Randy: And Zenitsu has the ABBA Gold album.

Randy: I know how this must look but I can assure you we have a perfectly logical explanation.
Zenitsu: Yeah! We're cowards!

Randy: Remember that time you dared me to lick a swing set?
Zenitsu: No, I said "Randy, don't lick that swing set" and you said "Don't tell me what to do" and licked the swing set.

Zenitsu, after confronting Randy about being a Ninja: If I say yes am I joining a cult?
Randy: Possibly.
Zenitsu: I'm in.

Zenitsu: So I got this amazing plan!
Giyuu: We fail almost every time you say that.
Zenitsu: Well this is the same! But with a hamster involved.

Randy: Do you know a turtles only weakness?
Giyuu: No... well, their slowness.
Randy: Their weakness is they can't roll over when they are on their backs.
Randy: Now I have a plan.
Randy: If I duct tape two turtles together, they'll be unstoppable.

Zenitsu: I think I should be allowed on ghost hunter tv shows.
Randy: I think that would be dangerous for the ghosts.

Zenitsu: Why are you guys acting like this?
Randy: Oh, we're not acting. We really are like this.

Giyuu: So... what's goin' on?
Randy: You want the long version or the short version?
Giyuu, hesitantly: The short one, I guess?
Randy: Shit's fucked.
Giyuu: Oh. Well, yeah, that's definitely not an optimal situation.

Zenitsu: Look, Giyuu, if you can fit your head down the gun's barrel, you can assume it doesn't have a non-lethal setting.

Randy: First Ninja is the bravest person I know. He can go into the Spirit Halloween without crying.

Randy: Last night, I had a dream about sandwich pizza.
Giyuu: What?
Randy: It was pizza with bread on the top and the bottom.
Giyuu: So a calzone?
Randy: You can't just name things I dream up.