The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #28

Zenitsu: Are you sure First Ninja's going to be able to handle that IKEA furniture? He's not very good with technical stuff...
Randy: Why are you worried? IKEA was never complicated; these days, it's even easier! Everything's color coded, numbered, and there's even an assembly robot option to make it even easier for First Ninja, which we've obviously opted in for. All they need to do is press the clearly labeled ON button, scan the QR code on the front of the box, and it'll take care of the rest. Even a monkey could do it!
*Randy's phone rings*
First Ninja: Hey, so I'm at Lowes...
Zenitsu: ...
Zenitsu: I should have gone with the monkey.

First Ninja: You know, studies show that keeping a ladder in the house is more dangerous than a loaded gun.
First Ninja: That's why I own TEN guns.
First Ninja: Just in case some maniac tries to sneak in with a ladder.

Zenitsu: Hey Giyuu, check out this funny .GIF I found!
Giyuu: It's pronounced "jif".
Zenitsu: Huh?
Giyuu: "Dot jif", like the peanut butter. The creator said so.
Zenitsu: That's dumb, it's Graphics Interchange Format.
Giyuu: The P in .JPEG stands for "photographic", but I bet you don't say "J-pheg".
Zenitsu: "P" on its own isn't pronounced like "F", that's totally different!
Giyuu: It's exactly the same!
Zenitsu: Name one word that starts with "G" pronounced like "J".
Giyuu: Gentrification.
Zenitsu: Shoot, should have thought of that. I was just in San Francisco.
Giyuu: For your logic to be consistent, you'd have to say "skuh-bah" (scuba) or "lah-seer" (laser)!
Zenitsu: Yeah? Well, you'd have to say "J-pej"!
Zenitsu: ...Wait, "laser" is an acronym?
Giyuu: Light Amplification by Stimulated Emission of Radiation.
Zenitsu: Huh. Didn't know that.
Zenitsu: You're still wrong, though.
Giyuu: You just hate me because I'm right.
Zenitsu: I just hate you in general.
Giyuu: You mean in "geh-neral"?
Zenitsu: Ugh, I'm "joing" to kill you!

First Ninja: I just watched Randy jump off of a spinning chair. Luckily, he wasn't hurt that badly. But the whole time, Zenitsu was screaming for help, which caused Giyuu to run in to help Randy. Just note that all of this happened in the span of six minutes.

Randy: What's the signal when something goes wrong?
Giyuu: We yell, 'oh shit.'
Zenitsu: ...That'll work.

*At the police station*
Zenitsu: Hi, I'm here for Randy.
Police officer: Who's Randy?
Zenitsu: Ah, you must be new.

First Ninja: Can we talk about that mass email you sent?
Randy: Why? It was important.
First Ninja: All it says is, "I'm back on my shit".
Giyuu, shrugging: The people need to know.

First Ninja: What are you drinking?
Giyuu: Vodka.
First Ninja: Straight?
Giyuu: No, gay. Why?

Zenitsu: How do you connect with a fictional character?
First Ninja: What?
Giyuu: What?
Nomicon: What?
Randy: *pulls up a 500 slide presentation* I'm glad you asked.

Zenitsu: *Texts a selfie to the group chat* Hey besties!!
First Ninja: *Texts a selfie clearly parodying Zenitsu's* hey besties !!1!
Zenitsu: I literally hate you so much.

Giyuu: "You look tired" well, the torment is relentless, and the horrors never cease.

Randy: If a demon possessed me, I'd just be like, "Okay, take it from here, good luck man."

Zenitsu, holding a toy lightsaber: I'm Darth Vader!
Giyuu: I'm done with everyone's bullshit.

Giyuu: So, Randy is no longer allowed to take the trash out at night.
Zenitsu: Why?
Giyuu: Because I've caught him trying to train raccoons to fight five times in a row.
Randy, arms crossed and pouting: You'll be thanking me when the third raccoon battalion saves your ass.

Randy: Once Giyuu thanked me, and I couldn't decide between "No problem!" and "No worries!" so I yelled "No worms!" to him as he walked away.

Randy: You can answer almost anything with "Not since the accident."
Nomicon: Actually, you can't.
First Ninja: Not since the accident.

Zenitsu, making coffee: This is going to fix everything.

Randy: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing?

First Ninja: I've made a spread sheet of all the crime in Brooklyn.
First Ninja: There's so much crime in New York, no one should live here.