The Ninja Slayer Extras: Headcannons and Drabbles

Incorrect Quotes #6

Zenitsu: Why is Randy crying?
Giyuu: They saw a leaf on the sidewalk and-
Randy: IT LOOKED SO CRUNCHY!
Zenitsu: Please don't say what I think you're gonna say-
Randy: AND WHEN I STEPPED ON IT THERE WAS NO CRUNCH!
Zenitsu: NO, NOT THAT!

Randy: You played me!
Zenitsu: Like the cheap kazoo you are!

Zenitsu, at Randy's funeral: I need a moment with them.
Everyone else at the funeral: Of course. *leaves*
Zenitsu, leaning over Randy's coffin: Okay, listen here you little shit. I know you're not dead.
Randy, sitting up in the coffin: Yeah, no shit.

First Ninja: What starts with F and ends with Uck?
Giyuu: No it doesn't.
Randy: Firetruck!
Zenitsu: FUCK!

Randy: Welcome to my very first vlog, in which I try different hair products!
Randy: *sprays hairspray in their mouth*
Randy: Well, right off the bat I can tell you this one is not very good.

*Everyone is playing a board game together*
Zenitsu: I will put 'A' down to make 'A'.
Giyuu: I will add onto your 'A' to make 'AT'.
Randy: I will add onto your 'AT' to make 'RAT'.
First Ninja: I will add onto your 'RAT' to make 'BIOSTRATAGRAPHIC'.
Randy: *flips the board*

First Ninja: What's your biggest fear?
Giyuu: That I'll never be good enough for anyone.
Zenitsu: Everyone hates me and talks about me behind my back.
Randy: Zombies.
Zenitsu: 
Giyuu: 
Randy: BUT they can open doors.

Zenitsu: PLEASE EXPLAIN WHAT UPDOG IS!
Randy: Could you rephrase the question, in like, two words maybe?

Randy: I told Giyuu that his ears turn red when he lies.
Zenitsu: Do they?
Randy: No.
Zenitsu: Then why did you tell them that?
Randy: Because I can do this.
Randy: Hey Giyuu! Do you love us?
Giyuu, with his hands over his ears: No.

Zenitsu: If you could guess, how many brain cells do you have?
Randy: Dorito's cool ranch.
Zenitsu:
Zenitsu: I'm just gonna assume zero for now.
Randy: I love that song.

Randy: Pose as a team because SHIT JUST GOT REAL!

Giyuu: Randy, say aluminum again. It's the entire source of my serotonin during these trying times.
Randy: *sigh* Only for you, buddy. Alyoouminnieeum.

Randy: FUCK THE CHAIR. PARDON ME FOR MAKING MYSELF COMFORTABLE DURING A SINCERE HEART TO HEART DISCUSSION WITH A DEAR FRIEND IN NEED!
Randy: BUT THE TIME HAS COME FOR ME TO CEASE STRADDLING THIS DEEPLY OFFENSIVE PIECE OF FURNITURE! AWAY WITH YE, FOUR LEGGED TEMPTRESS! DISTRACT US NO MORE WITH THE MOST BASIC AND UTILITARIAN FORM OF COMFORT YOU SUPPLY!
Giyuu: Randy just threw a tantrum about a chair.
Zenitsu: I just won Randy Tantrum Bingo.

Randy: I love the term 'partners'. Are we dating? Are we robbing a bank? Are we the dedicated detectives who investigate these vicious felonies and are members of an elite squad known as the special victims unit? Who knows.

Giyuu: I hate to to tell you this, but one of you was adopted.
Zenitsu & Randy: *Both adopted*
Randy: Was it Zenitsu?

Randy: Do you have a bobby pin?
Zenitsu: Yeah. *searches in his hair*
Zenitsu: Oh, no, wait. I'm not a nine-year-old girl.

Zenitsu: Remember what I told you.
Giyuu, nodding: Don't be a cunt.

Randy: Here comes the lightning!
Randy, whispering: You've got to imagine it coming out my fingertips, wherein I am an almighty wizard.
Zenitsu: Ok, currently imagining that. Hmm, not bad. Not bad at all.

Zenitsu: I think it's time to start fucking some shit up.
Giyuu: Oh no.
Randy: More like "oh yes!"

Zenitsu: What happened?!
Giyuu: Do you want the long version or the short version?
Zenitsu: Sh-short??
Giyuu: Shit's fucked.
Zenitsu: Okay, long.
Giyuu: Shit's very fucked.

Zenitsu, about Giyuu: I could fix them, but honestly whatever the hell is wrong with them is way funnier.
Randy: That's what any god probably thinks about me.

Zenitsu: I wish I was a dinosaur.
Giyuu: Why? Cause they're big and scary?
Zenitsu: Because they're dead.