Healing hearts

Chapter thirteen

Cassie's pov

I woke up and heard noises coming from the kitchen. I got out of bed and went to investigate, finding Xander's mom cooking breakfast while Xander sat at the kitchen counter, eating his breakfast.

"Good morning," I said.

"There's my beautiful daughter-in-law," she said as I entered the kitchen. "Come and have breakfast. I made something special for you and my grandson."

She pulled out a chair for me and helped me sit down. "Thank you, Mrs. Smith," I said.

"Oh, no need for formalities," she said. "Call me Stella,"

I smiled.

"Thank you for inviting me to the baby shower,"

She said. "I'm so happy to be a part of it. I already have the perfect gift for my grandson."

"I'm sure he'll love it," I said, her smile lighting up the room.

"But what he'll really love is having a mother like you - loving and kind and selfless."She said. I smiled at her kind words.

"Thank you Stella" I said.

"You're welcome, Cassie," Stella said, handing me a plate of food.

"Mom, I want more pancakes," Xander said, looking at his empty plate.

"Of course, my dear," Stella said, refilling his plate with a motherly smile.

It was clear that Xander and his mom still had a special bond like they did since high school and she loved her son a lot.

"I guess someone never stopped being a mama's boy," I teased, and Stella  just smiled.

"I never said I stopped ," he said. "I'm proud to be a mama's boy."

He stood up and gave Stella a hug and a kiss on the cheek. "I love you, mom," he said, and she smiled up at him.

"I want to have a relationship like that with my son someday," I thought.

"Enough, now," Stella said. "Go sit down and I'll bring you more pancakes."

Xander grinned and went back to his seat.

Later that day, I headed over to Kelly's house. It was also my old apartment.

Kelly had arranged a small, intimate baby shower with a few of my closest friends. We opened gifts, played games, and had a great time.

I stepped out onto the balcony, needing a moment of fresh air and space to breathe. I couldn't help but think about my life before all of this - before I married Xander, before I became pregnant. I missed my old life, living with Kelly and loving Noah.

Everything had changed so fast, and sometimes it was hard to adjust. I didn't resent Xander, but I did miss the way things were before. I just wished things had turned out differently.

"But I also love the thought of becoming a mother soon," I thought to myself. "I can't wait to meet my child and hold him in my arms. I already love him so much."

"Hey, are you okay?" Kelly said, joining me on the balcony.

"I'm fine," I said, smiling at her. "Just thinking about a few things."

"Don't think too much," she said. "It's not good for the baby."

"Just relax," I said and smiled. "These are normal thoughts, nothing to worry about."

"I thought it was so sweet that you invited your mother-in-law," she said.

I looked at Stella , chatting with someone in the living room. "Yeah, I thought it was important to include her," I said.

"How's your marriage going? "  she asked

"Just the usual , but here's the thing," I said. "I thought about something last night, I paused and looked at her. I'm not sure I would ever want a physical relationship with Xander.

Kelly looked shocked."  You mean, like sex?" She asked and I nodded.

"You two are married, but I guess with what happened to you, you must be traumatized and all," she said. "It's normal to feel this way. Have you talked to Xander about it?"

"We discussed it last night," I said, "but I never told him the real reason why I'm scared. I don't want him to feel guilty . He said he's willing to wait until I'm ready, but what if I'm never ready? Will it destroy our marriage? What would happen?"

She looked at me, her expression full of emotion.

"I understand," I said, "but I really think you and Xander should talk about this and figure out what to do. Life is full of uncertainty, but sometimes we just have to stop being afraid and take a leap of faith."

She hugged me , and we stood there for a moment, just holding each other. Finally, it was time to say goodbye. I drove Stella home and then went home myself, carrying all the gifts I had received for my baby.

When I got home, Xander was waiting for me at the door.

"Hey," he said. "How was it?"

"It was good," I said. "Our little boy got a lot of gifts."

He smiled and walked over to the car to get the gifts. "Go eat dinner," he said. "I'll take all this stuff to the nursery." I  nodded back at him.

Dinner was wonderful - he had prepared something wonderful and had clearly put a lot of effort into making it special. I was so grateful for his thoughtfulness. After I ate, I sat down next to him at the table. "That was delicious," I said. "Thank you."

He smiled, looking pleased. "You're welcome," he said. "I'm glad you liked it."

I took a deep breath and turned serious looking at him.

"Xander about what we discussed last night ," I started, but he cut me off.

"Let's not worry about that right now," he said. "I don't want us to stress about it. Right now, our baby should be our only concern. Maybe later we can focus on that I'm the future. For now, let's just focus on what we have."

I knew he was right, but at the same time, I didn't want to lead him on. I nodded in agreement. "Okay," I said.