Healing hearts

Chapter sixteen

Xander's pov

As I watched Cassie breastfeed our son, I felt a strange mix of emotions. It was a wonderful sight,  But I also felt something else, I was also turned on. It was a feeling I knew I shouldn't have, considering she had just given birth. But I couldn't deny it. There was something about Cassie that had a hold on me, something I couldn't explain.

Even when we were separated and I was away at college, she was always on my mind. She had been my first love, and I knew she would always be a special person to me. Taking a deep breath, I opened the fridge and grabbed a beer, hoping it would calm my nerves and my other parts and it worked.

"Hey," Cassie said. I turned and saw her coming towards her, looking at me curiously.

"Hey," I replied, trying to sound casual. "Is Alex asleep?"

"Yeah, she said, smiling. I noticed she was wearing an oversized, off-the-shoulder shirt and shorts, and I felt my pulse quicken. I tried to push those thoughts out of my mind.

"Did you need to tell me something?" she asked, her eyebrows raised. I looked at dumbfounded, "what".

"Did you want to say something when you came into the nursery?" she asked again, her voice gentle.

I shook my head. "No, I just wanted to check on Alexander," I said.

She nodded and opened the fridge, taking out a carton of orange juice and poured some for herself.

"So, Mia?" Cassie asked, interrupting my thoughts. I looked at her, a little confused by her question.

"She's a friend," I said, trying to keep my voice steady. "We went to college together. We're still friends now."

She nodded, her eyes fixed on me. "Was she the one who taught you how to cook?" she asked, her tone casual

"Yes," I said.

"Did anything else happen between you two", she asked and I was confused on why she was asking all this.

"Why do you ask?" I asked confused.

She shrugged. "I'm just curious, that's all," she said, her tone still casual. "And I'm just wondering... Are you going to answer my questions, or is it none of my business?"

I hesitated, not sure what to say. On the one hand, I didn't want to lie to Cassie. But on the other hand, I didn't want to share too much information. "If you want to know if we've dated in the past, then yes," I said finally. "But now we're just friends."

"You know, Xander," she said, looking me in the eye. "If you want to be with Mia, I won't be in the way."

She started to walk out of the kitchen, and I felt panic rising in my chest. "Where is all this coming from?" I asked, stopping her in her tracks.

She turned to face me, a strange look in her eyes. "I'm just saying," she said, her voice uncharacteristically flat. "I'm not standing in the way if you want to be with someone else."

Her words stung. I couldn't believe this, it hurts that she didn't care if I was with another woman.

"Why would you say that, Cassie?" I asked, my voice breaking. "I'm married to you. Why would I want to be with another woman?

She looked at me, her expression sad. "We don't have a real marriage, Xander," she said softly. "And I don't want to lead you on. I can't give you the physical relationship that you deserve." Her words broke my heart.