Healing hearts

Chapter eighteen

Cassie's pov

Over the next few weeks, I started visiting the therapist and began to work on my fear of intimacy, or genophobia, as she called it. I told her everything that had happened between me and Xander, as well as the vague memories I had from that night. She was patient and understanding, and her sessions helped me to start to process my feelings and experiences.

The therapist asked me why I had married Xander, despite what he had done. I told her that, deep down, I knew that Xander wasn't a bad person and wouldn't have hurt me without a reason. I also believed that he had a reason for his actions - he had been drugged.

"Can you ever love Xander?" she asked, her voice kind but probing.

Her question caught me off guard, and I wasn't sure how to answer. But then, I realized something - I had been in love with him since the moment we met. I had fallen for his olive skin, green eyes, and beautiful smile, but I had been too infatuated with Noah to ever notice.

"I hated seeing Xander in pain or suffering in any way, I confessed . I was willing to do anything to make him happy, even to swallow my pride and permit him to have an extra marital affair even if it meant breaking my own heart."

"It sounds like you're deeply in love with your husband," she said, her voice gentle. "But I want you to know that you can trust him again. Sex is a beautiful thing, and you can learn to enjoy it. But first, you need to trust him. And you can do that by taking baby steps."

She paused, letting her words sink in. "The first step might be sharing a bed with him," she suggested.

As I left the therapist's office, I felt a mix of emotions - hope, fear, and uncertainty. But I knew I needed to try what she had suggested.

When I got home that night, Xander was there waiting for me. He pulled me into a warm hug, and I relaxed in his arms.

"How was your session?" he asked.

"It was good," I said, taking a deep breath. "But she suggested that we should learn to be comfortable with each other and start by sharing a bed together.

"Are you comfortable with that?" he asked, his voice full of care.

"I want to do it," I said, my voice determined. "I need to overcome my fears, and I think this is the way to do it."

"Okay," he said, his eyes full of understanding. "I'll be here for you, no matter what. If you ever feel uncomfortable, just let me know and I'll move to the couch."

I nodded, feeling a little calmer now. I put Alex to bed and then went into Xander's room, my heart pounding in my chest.

I got into bed, laying down on the right side, while he got in on the left. There was still some space between us, and I could feel my heart pounding in my chest.

"Xander," I said.

He turned to look at me. "What is it?" he asked, his eyes searching my face.

"Can we... can we cuddle?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper.

He looked surprised, but then his expression softened. "Are you sure?" he asked.

I nodded and he came closer and spooned me.

"Are you comfortable?" he asked, his voice soft.

"Yes," I said, taking a deep breath.

"Am I holding you too tightly?" he asked.

"No, you're perfect," I said, relaxing into his embrace.