You Smell Like Hope

25. Remember Me

Can you find me?
I'm not hiding
All my memories aren't mine
I'm not me

An old drawing of a flower that's long gone.

Jisung's pov.

It's been exactly thirteen days since I have been to the park.

It's been thirteen painful days each minute of them felt like a suffocating room growing smaller by each second that past.

And the door is open.

It's open and I can run out any moment, but my legs are not moving, and my arms are holding on to the walls that I got used to. The walls that are burning me.

I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run. I need to run.

I need to run. I saw the light.
I can't breathe.
Loud. Loud. Loud.

There are shouts around me. Someone calling my name. I can't answer.

I need to run. The door is closing.

I am getting pulled. Not the door. Not to the wall. To an arm.

''It's okay, Jisung. I am here.'' I heard the soft voice. The light.

''Hyung.'' I cried holding onto him. ''I don't know what to do.'' I don't know where I am. I looked around finding myself in the corner of the dancing studio.

''That's okay. It's okay Jisung. You don't have to do anything.'' Comforting words were whispered into my ears. Warm arms were holding me. The air was filled with lavender. The door is closing.

I need to run. ''Hyung.'' I said again not exactly sure why. I just need to say something. I don't know what.

''Hyung, is there anything I can do.'' Hyunjin was the one to speak this time. Next to him was a really anxious looking Felix. I am sorry.

''I will take him home. tell Changbin to cancel today's meeting.'' Minho answered before getting up from the floor. ''Can you walk, love?'' I nodded slowly and stood to my feet. I don't remember sitting down. I am dizzy. ''Lean your body on me.'' he whispered.

We made it to the back of his car with his arms still wrapped around me.

''Jisung love, please talk to me. This is the eighth time this happens. Talk to me my love. Let me help.'' Minho begged and I teared up. I don't know what to say. ''I am sorry.'' was all I could get out.

''Don't apologize darling. I just want to see your bright smile once more.'' I didn't reply at all this time. My attention getting caught as we passed in front the park.

The door is closing.

''Stop the car.'' I screamed. I didn't wait for it to fully park. Opening the car's door and jumping outside almost falling in the process due to the moving car. I don't care. The door is closing.

I ran to the park. I hear his steps running after me. I am sorry. The door is closing.

I didn't stop running when I reached the park. I ran faster to the direction I know so well.

I ran till I saw the familiar tree.
Till I saw the familiar figure under it.

One small figure. Alone. Under the tree. Crying on his knees.

No. NO. No please no.

I froze.

''Jisung!'' Minho called catching the boy's attention. He stared at me, and I stared back. Unable to move. He started shaking his head as more tears streamed down his soft face.

oh, how much has it changed. His bright smile I remembered so well is now gone.

''Jisung.'' This time it was not Minho who called. Instead, it was a foreign, yet very familiar voice laced with broken sobs.

My legs moved on their own to his direction before falling next to him on the soft wet grass.

My arms had their own brain wrapping themselves around him.

My tears and his got mixed as one as he shook in my arms.

''Jisung.'' He said again and this time I realized that it is too late.

The door had already closed.