You Smell Like Hope

26. Dzanum

Ova duša nema dom, ova duša nema ton
Crne zore svеće gore, moje morе

Everything happened way too quickly. It started with the two brothers finding each other after years of suffering. Spending hours in each other's arms under the tree their mother claimed for them. Crying over what exactly what is hard to tell; Their tears spilled for many reasons:

Their reunion, their lost time, being at the park together after so long, to being two after being one for so long, for coming back and for coming back too late.

They cried for their mother who spent her whole life crying under that same tree for her son to comeback. Only to give up right before he does.

Seungmin didn't have to talk. Jisung already understood everything the moment he saw his brother crying alone under the tree.

Jisung's pov.

I do not know how long it has been. I don't think he knows either. We did not care.

The tears never seemed to stop, and our skin cried to stay close no matter what. I could feel his heart screaming against mine and my own heart trying to hold it. To apologize. I am sorry I am late. I am sorry you were alone. I am sorry.

''When did it happen?'' My voice finally left my throat. He pulled away from my embrace just enough to look up at me with glassy eyes. ''Last night. She made me promise to come here today. Your name was her word.'' His own sobs interrupted his sentence and so did mine.

We stayed silent after that not really finding a way to vocalize our pain, so we let our tears do it.

And tears turned into sobs and sobs turned into screams and we held each other through it all.

The sun was setting when we felt a figure moving closer to us.

''Let me take you home.'' He whispered softly after dropping to his knees next to us on the grass.

Seungmin pulled away and tried his face with his bare hand before looking at Minho. I pushed has hand away from his face and nodded. Trying to let him he is allowed to be weak in front of Minho. In front of me.

''Come home with me.'' Seungmin said looking at me with hopeful eyes. ''I do not think I can do that now Minnie. I am sorry.'' His tears broke again at the name. ''Can you come with me instead?'' He nodded quickly then paused. ''Dad.'' He stated and I shivered.

''I don't-'' he cut me off shaking his head. ''Never mind. We do not have to worry about him now. I will come with you.''

''Is he alone?'' I asked as I stood up and pulled him up with me. ''He has his alcohol.'' The gentle tune turned into a tough one laced with anger. I did not question it instead I nodded and took his hand and turned to Minho.

''Hyung.'' Minho immediately pulled me into his hug. ''I am here, Jisung.''

It was a matter of minutes till we made it to the car with the three of us in the backseat. I sat in the middle and while Seungmin leaned on me, Minho let me lean on him. The drive to my apartment was quiet and just as painful.

The driver parked the car, and Minho guided us silently upstairs. ''Do you want me to stay?'' he whispered in my ear, and I nodded. ''yes, please.'' he squeezed my hand in return and took the keys from my other shaking hand.

I let Seungmin walk in first after Minho. Seeing them both inside the first place I felt safe in broke something inside me in the most healing way possible.

''I will make a quick lunch for you, okay?'' Minho asked, but didn't wait for an answer.

''Is he the one who....'' Seungmin's words hanged in the air. ''No, he is the one who saved me from the people who kidnapped me. Few months ago.'' the air felt heavy after the sentence left my mouth.

''I am sorry I failed you.'' was what followed a long pause. I pulled him closer and shock my head. ''never apologize for that. It is not your fault.'' I knew this was just the first step of so many more to come to stop him from blaming himself.

''Chicken of fish?'' Minho's head popped from the kitchen wall. ''I ran out of fish hyung chicken is okay.'' He nodded and went back to cooking.

''Is he your boyfriend?'' Minnie asked with a smirk despite his tear-wet face. ''You can say that.''

''He looks like he cares a lot about you, I am glad you have him.'' his smirk turned into a genuine smile.

We sat down in the living room in silence that replaced all the things that should have been said, but we didn't know how. Everything had happened so suddenly neither of us was prepared.

''Food is ready.'' Minho called and I guided Minnie to the dinning. ''Eat well.'' He smiled at us kindly.

Minho served us both and his plate last. Giving us water and juice and making sure to refill our plates and cups the whole time. I couldn't help but think about how much he has changed since our first meeting. I don't know when that change started, but I started noticing it since the time I passed out in my old apartment. The Minho I saw then for the first time is the Minho I see daily now. I couldn't help but smile at the thought.

We both thanked Minho for the food and Seungmin insisted on doing the dishes, so I went to help him.

''Are you going to come to the funeral?'' His question caught me off-guard, but I think it was meant to be asked. ''I think yes, I will.''

''Dad is supposed to be taking care of it but giving his state, I think I will need to step up.'' he explained. ''I can help with anything, when are you planning to do it.''

''the sooner the better. Mum didn't know a lot of people so it will probably be just us.'' That was his way to tell me I will have to face our father. ''You don't have to come. She would understand.''

the thing is, he is not wrong. She probably would understand and forgive me or even apologize. But this was my last chance to be close to her. To see her and touch her once warm now cold hands.

''I will come.''

And the two brothers spent the night in Jisung's room with Minho in the guest's room refusing to leave to his comfortable bed and insisting on staying close to him.

None of the three young souls found sleep that night. Minho worrying, Jisung telling his story and Seungmin crying as his brother explained.

Jisung's tears went dry as he was explaining what had happened to him throw the year, but his heart was still screaming all the same and his brother's hug never broke.

That night was a night that will always be painted in their memory to keep haunting and hurting them no matter what they do and where life takes them. Looking back will never not be painful.

But they are together now so maybe it will be okay. They just need to stay together. This shouldn't be too hard, right?