Her life so far is a trail of self-pity. It never felt right nor did it ever make sense. It's not something she can convey entirely with words. It feels meaningless, like she's simply a means to an end. She fell short of everything she has done and nothing she has is enough. She tried to be something more than what she was set up for but gave up on herself far too soon because she couldn't see the other side, letting the darkness get to her. And yet she can't bear it to let time pass her by. She still searches for a way forward, however hopeless her future may seem.
She felt misunderstood and unwanted throughout her childhood. She wondered why that was, what she did to deserve being set apart from everyone. It took her until adolescence to see that it was not her fault her family was unkind to her. She tried to fit in but she was pushed away over and over again so she withdrew into herself and sought isolation, hoping that someone would notice, that someone would care. No one did. They all left her behind without hesitation. No one stood by her even when it mattered most, when she needed it most.
She felt a need for the wrongs to be righted, for change to occur, and had a naïve belief that she could make it in this world on her own. She poured her thoughts and feelings into writing to cope with the injustices around her. She felt suffocated with her family's indifference to her. That they'd be so cruel as to stand by and watch her wither away, watch her live a life devoid of purpose. It got to the point where she couldn't see any of the good she had. If someone were to give her what she deserves, she wouldn't know how to respond. So used to, so familiar, was she with having less than.
She truly thought that she and her siblings were a team. She freed them of all her blame because they grew up together under the same roof. That is until she saw that they didn't feel the same way. She was never included no matter how much she wanted to be. The realization that she was always on her own made her deeply regret not seeing those that wanted her around. Losing sight of the most precious thing someone could have. Consequently giving up on herself and struggling to stay afloat. Potential, squandered. A life, failed.
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Her Broken Sky
SpiritualA 21-year-old reflects on her past and tries to move forward in a desolate place. Holding on to the hope that there must be more in her future that will make it all worthwhile, if only to have the strength to endure her days and nights.
