I cut them all off because I was pushed away and I didn't want to be hurt more than I was. I was afraid, hesitant to go somewhere I thought I was unwelcome, where no one wanted me around, where I'd just be making it worse. Not that I liked being left behind but I thought it was better for me that way. And then, a few years later, certain people conveyed to me that it was the complete opposite. I then thought that maybe it didn't have to be like that. But then, not long after, I realized it was too late. That certain people kept me isolated long enough that it didn't make a difference anymore that I had a change of heart. When I saw the truth as it was, I wanted to bridge that distance those around me had created but no one waited for me, everyone had already moved on and I was still torn apart. Where I sought healing I found only regret.
I know now that this story is finished and I have to close the cover on it, stop searching for something that is long gone, even if I don't like how it ended. This showed me that I had messed up big time. I had walked away, isolated myself from everyone and the world, and consequently missed out on everything good. Maybe all this was just to teach me a lesson. A lesson to find the actual truth for myself using my own senses instead of believing what I imagine to be true. It's time I move on too even if it is by myself. Because it seems that we can't understand each other, we can't know exactly what the other thinks or feels, we can't know the other's pain. Even though I wish it could've been different, I will gracefully accept the distance between us, accept that I no longer have a place there, and search for bits and pieces to help me heal from my past and look to the future.
YOU ARE READING
Her Broken Sky
SpiritualA 21-year-old reflects on her past and tries to move forward in a desolate place. Holding on to the hope that there must be more in her future that will make it all worthwhile, if only to have the strength to endure her days and nights.
