Camryn Quinn is finally getting what she wants...sort of. Moving into a dorm and away from her not so supportive father is a good first step, but like everything with him, it comes with strings. She must attend the college of his choosing for at lea...
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I finally let Camryn go even though every instinct told me not to. And as I watched her walk down the hall, the same instincts told me to go after her. To kiss her, to really show her what this all means to me. I blame it on the pre game nerves starting.
When I come back into the room, my mom and sister are lying on one bed, and reposition themselves to make room for me in the middle. I slide my boots off and climb in between them, wrapping my arms around them and anchoring them in place. I try to let it relax me. To push Camryn from my mind.
It's a lot easier said than done when my mom brings her up almost immediately.
"I just love her," she whispers.
Zoey is already snoring as my mom presses play on the movie she already had queued up. I don't answer her, I can't. She can probably already read it on my face, but there is no way she can know the depths of the fucking mess I've gotten myself into. I could argue that it's all for her. It would be the truth and an apology all wrapped up with the gift of time that I'm trying to give her.
It's the whole reason any of this started. Without my deal with Cal, Camryn wouldn't be in my life. My mom might understand, or at the very least help me understand it. It could give me the practice I need before telling Camryn the truth, if I ever get there.
My mom could just tell me I'm a fucking idiot, and I'd deserve it. It still wouldn't be half as bad as what Camryn might call me. But Camryn loves my mom and my mom loves her, maybe they could both appreciate what I'm doing. Maybe even forgive me.
Maybe then I could keep my place in her world, and her in mine.
"You love her." The words are quiet. I'm not sure she's actually saying them. I could be imagining it. Either way, it doesn't matter. I don't love Camryn.
Her head shifts slightly against my chest, but she doesn't look at me. She's almost asleep. I can tell she's weak. The trip here probably pushed her more than she used to.
I still can't believe she's here.
"Promise me you'll tell her Tay," my mom continues. "Sooner rather than later. She needs to hear it...And I think you do too."
We continue to stare at the screen, neither of us watching anything. The colors change, the picture moves, but all I can see is Camryn's face. I can't love her. You can't love someone that shouldn't even be in your life. You can't love someone who doesn't know everything about you. There are no secrets from the people you love and you sure as hell don't take money to love them. It's not love when you know that if they knew the truth, they could never love you back.
