Wide Open

t w e n t y f o u r

I type in the code to unlock the front door to my off campus house and head straight for my room. I quickly take the stairs two at a time in an attempt to avoid any of the guys who have made it back from the bars. I can hear Anderson in his room with a guest so I shut my door and blast music through my Bluetooth speaker a little louder than normal. I flop down onto my bed on my back and stare up at the ceiling. 

The thoughts haven't stopped. I thought about it the whole way to her dorm and then the whole walk back to my house. I pull my phone out of my pocket and pull up an old message thread. My fingers only briefly hover over the screen before I type out the message.

Me: Offer still good?

Cal: Of course

Me: Im in

My stomach clenches as I send it. A pain that only intensifies when I read his reply. I remind myself that I don't have a choice. My mom lingers at the forefront of my mind. The same way she has for the last few hours. Like a constant nagging taunting me and asking what the fuck I'm going to do about this. A solution was placed into my lap, though. Sure it's not my first choice, but it's a way to help.

I didn't expect to see her there tonight, but in a way I'm glad I did. It allowed me to see that she is nothing like her brother describe. It's pretty obvious that Cal either doesn't really know her or he just doesn't know what he's talking about. Even over a span of hours, no reason to babysit his sister surfaced. 

Camryn won't be an issue. I can fake my way through and provide her brother with updates. I get the feeling that he won't confirm a thing I say, even if I were to tell him that she's gone bat shit crazy and is streaking through the quad.

But after tonight, I don't see any reason for that to be a reality.

 It's actually something she said tonight that changed my thinking. I wasn't even seriously considering her brother's offer at first. 

You can't fail as long as you're trying.

I haven't been. I haven't tried hard enough to find an actual way to be there for my mom like I claim I want to be. Instead, I've only focused on problem after problem, allowing myself to just be pissy about the whole situation. I've been making it about me and what it's doing to me. I wasn't even thinking about a solution to help her. 

Taking Cal up on his offer is me trying.

The entire time we walked side by side, I tried to work out any other way to not involve Cal. He's a kick-ass quarterback and play caller, but I've seen the type of person he can be. He doesn't hide his arrogance and he's sure as shit not the first person to volunteer himself to help others, even if it's a team event to meet and greet with fans. Maybe money is different with him. He obviously has plenty and only stands to get even more if he keeps playing the way he is.

The only other option I have is to reach out to mine and Nora's dad, who I haven't seen in over ten years. Not that he would give a shit, or help us. We were always just people in a picture in a frame to him. I never understood how he could just easily turn the frame around and pretend we weren't there. His ability to have blinders when it comes to us is the reason I'm in this position in the first place. The responsibility he should feel to take care of his family was passed down to my shoulders overnight the day he decided to leave my mom. I considered him for about two seconds before I just said fuck it.

This money will allow me to pay for anything insurance doesn't cover for my mom and to make sure that her sole focus is on her recovery. I can't leave my family to rely on someone else. 

I send a quick text in the family chat to tell my mom and sister that I love them and that I'll call them tomorrow. I roll over and fall asleep quickly, finally able to sleep deeply for the first time in weeks.