Camryn Quinn is finally getting what she wants...sort of. Moving into a dorm and away from her not so supportive father is a good first step, but like everything with him-it comes with strings. She must attend the college of his choosing for at leas...
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I make it to the weight room an hour before the team is scheduled to meet for film. It's bad enough that I have to watch film of a game I wasn't even allowed to travel to because of my knee. But then I had to go and try to make the most of a shitty situation and made it worse on myself.
I almost texted Cal on my way home last night to tell him to take his money and shove it right up his ass and that he can find someone else to put up with his sister, that I'm not doing it. As I typed out the message though, my mom called me to tell me that Nora scored six goals in her game last night. She set yet another school record because of it.
My mom looked good, too. Her cheeks had color in them and she looked like she hadn't lost any more weight. I tried to ask about the new trial drug she was just approved for, but she didn't want to spoil Nora's news. I know she just doesn't want to talk about it, and I decided not to push her. I was afraid that I would snap anyways. It would be just one more thing to push me to the fucking edge. So instead I let their conversation drown out any other feelings from the night.
Nora didn't hang up the call before reminding me that family day was coming up soon though. She had already told her coach that if they didn't make it to state, which they will, that she would be here. I didn't have the heart to tell her that there isn't going to be money for a plane ticket. Every single penny that Cal has given me so far has gone straight into the online bill pay portal for the hospital. And if we did have the money, no way my mom should be on a plane traveling thousands of miles.
I add another plate to each side of the bar. With each rep I feel a little bit of anger float away. I try to remind myself that Camryn might be a bitch, but there is still a reason her dad and brother both consider her something that needs to be handled.
I push the bar up and away from my chest, inhaling as I do. As I exhale I picture her face, the look of disgust on it as she dismissed me last night. I can't deny that more times than not, I don't see that side of her, not anymore. Something was obviously bothering her last night, making her bite back. Not that it's an excuse, but I couldn't stop my curiosity, couldn't stop myself from pushing. Cal won't tell me anything and I need to remind myself it's not my business to know, or care.
No matter what her problem is though, as long as I'm able to report back to her brother it is another payment towards making sure that my mom gets to see me play football in person again. After talking to them last night, seeing how good she looks even while in treatment, it makes me like what I'm doing is worth it, no matter what the consequences are.
In between sets I stand and rest my elbows on the bar and pull my phone out to change the song. When I do, I find a text from Sadie asking if she can come over for our standing Sunday appointment. Usually a much needed release after a week and weekend filled with football. I open the message but don't respond. I also have another message from Camryn. A gif of Chris Farley from Tommy Boy mouthing I Suck.
It's one of the first things we agreed on. Our love for the underrated movie and the fact that it deserves more praise. The scene is one where Tommy is talking about why he sucks as a salesman. I want to reply to Camryn and tell her that she sucks as a salesman too. She sucks at selling a genuine friendship. I tried to tell her that last night whens he blew up on me. All of my roommates are on the team and it was my first time not traveling with them. It sucked ass and so I did need a friend, something I thought she could use too after I showed up to her room yesterday.
I originally went just to check in, feeling like I owed her brother that since he wouldn't be around this weekend. But when she started talking about the art show, even through the jokes about the price of the ticket and denying wanting company, her eyes sold a different story. All I did was go, thinking that she didn't want to be alone either. Fuck me for trying to fill that space, though.
I begin my next set as more images of the night begin to creep back in. I rest the bar between my shoulder blades before allowing its weight to be fully disrupted across my back. I squat down and try not to think about how I started to enjoy myself. Or the way Camryn talked about the art which really drew me. She talked like she has spent years studying it. I had no idea so many different forms of art existed. Mediums, the word I think Camryn used to describe them. When I asked her if she was an artist she shyly shook her head and claimed that she just likes to take pictures. But again, her eyes told me something different. A new light filled them, one I had never seen from her before. It was like she was memorizing each line and color within the piece. If she could just bottle up the passion she showed when looking at each portrait, maybe she could use it when she decides she's no longer happy. She could uncork the bottle and get lost in it all over again. I even tried to sneak a picture of her, so she could see herself, see what she looks like when she's truly happy. She quickly swatted me away though, while yelling about museum etiquette. Something about not being allowed to take pictures of the art.
I wish she would see herself that way, as art. If Cal won't do it, I feel like I have to treat Camryn like I would Nora. My mom raised me to treat my sister the way I would want a man to treat her. I think that's why Camryn's comment stung so much. No matter how nice I am to her, she still just thinks it means I want to have sex with her, that I'm not capable of being or doing anything else with females.
I do fuck girls and I enjoy having sex. Anyone who says they don't are lying. The difference is, that Sadie, and any other girl would tell you that I make things clear with them before I let them in my bed. I'm straight up with what I can offer them. On top of asking for consent to touch them, they are also consenting to nothing more with me than those moments in bed. They understand I'm not going to start texting them, follow them on social media, hang out with them outside of those times. I don't pretend or pussy foot around the possibility of feelings or a relationship. It doesn't mean that I don't value that shit, though. Or that I can't appreciate people who do have relationships. Even if it's just a friendship. I tried to reciprocate those friendship feelings with her, the ones we've spent building over the past few weeks, but apparently that wasn't enough for her.
I begin to type a response to her message, but then erase it because I don't owe her anything. I'll tell her brother she's fine when I see him later and go about my day. Like I should have been doing this entire time.
