Wide Open

f o r t y e i g h t

I leave our walk-through feeling good. I've spent the last week watching Penn's film. I've memorized their plays and players' weak spots, all while fine tuning our own team's to the point that I could run every route in my sleep. And I haven't slept much because of it.

It doesn't matter. I don't need sleep when the adrenaline will carry me through all four quarters. I finally feel like I'm back. I feel more like myself than I have in a while.

I head home to pack up my things to take to the hotel with me. There is one on campus right across from the stadium, and it's where the team stays the night before every home game. I grab what I need for tomorrow, and the bonfire tonight.

I even grab something for Camryn to wear tomorrow even though she'll probably threaten to burn it in the bonfire. The thought alone makes me smile.

I try to push it from my head, and thankfully mom mom calls to distract me.

"I still can't believe it!" There are tears lining her cheeks as she says it. I'm sure she's been crying since I told her I was finally starting again.

We haven't had the chance to talk much with my schedule, so we catch up with each other. She tells me about the second round of treatments she just finished. Even through FaceTime, her body language doesn't match her insistence that she's great. She doesn't give me the chance to ask follow questions, instead she wants to hear about my midterm grades.

"Good things started happening when you met her," she says when I mention Camryn's studying methods.

I try to avoid the Camryn subject whenever possible with her. Not because I don't want her to know about Camryn—I meant it when I told her my family would love her—but because they can't know her. It's already too complicated, and having to talk about her more than necessary will just make it harder.

I'm thankful when she doesn't push it further, but I also don't miss the way she winks and tells me to thank Camryn for her the next time I see her.

We end the call, and I don't have any more time to waste. I need to be ready to catch the team shuttle over the practice field in an hour, but I have another stop to make first. I toss my duffle bag in the bed of the truck, and lay my suit bag across the bench seat next to me.

The drive to my destination is short, only a few blocks away from my house.

A bell clings against the metal handle of the door as I push it open. It draws the attention of everyone in the room, and I'm quickly swarmed by a group of women ranging from mid twenties to my grandma's age.

The owner, Pam, holds out a hand for me to take."Taylor Reed!"she cries. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for the bonfire?"

It still surprises me when people know who I am, even though I've never met them before. And I'll never understand how people in this town keep track of the team's agenda, but I guess the bonfire is a tradition that many look forward to.

"Yes ma'am, but I need something from you first." She takes my hand again, but I can't tell if it's to have an excuse to hold mine, or because my voice broke as those words came out.

🏈🏈🏈

The old practice field sits away from the campus on its own half acre. It's not our main practice space anymore now that the university built an indoor field attached to the rest of the training facility.

Now the field mostly sits vacant, except for this weekend every season. It's only one of the traditions the school is known for, but the one people most look forward to every year. They call it the homecoming bonfire, but it's really just a huge pep rally before one of our biggest rivals of the season.

In just a little bit, a parade will make its way through the heart of the campus and straight to the field. There are already plenty of fans filling the stands here, but even more will pour in from the floats. And when everything is settled, the marching band will come perform some of their classics to send us off in anticipation of the game tomorrow.

Not every university does this, and it's one of the reasons I wanted to come play for State. There's a reason Coach invites most of his recruits for their visit this weekend out of every other. He doesn't have to sell it as much when every single parade float is dripping in school spirit, and the hum of the band ripples deep into your bones. And then Coach will give a speech about his hopes and dreams for the game, and the remainder of the season. The real draw, though, was the sound of the crowd as he pledged his allegiance to his team and this school.

It was his dedication to this program, this city, that drove me here. I wanted to play for someone who wouldn't settle for anything less than perfection. I wanted to be a part of the honor and excellence he demands.

The meaning of it all feels a little different this time though. Now that I know Camryn, and know that the same standards were set over her life. I'm able to separate Coach from Camryn's dad, but I know being here tonight will be hard for her.

It's why the second I step off of the bus, I search for her.

There are already crowds gathered around other players. Asking for pictures, chatting about game play. Coach is posing in front of the official media before taking the podium near the firepit in the center of the field.

It's easier to ignore it all. The nerves have already set in, and it doesn't help that everywhere I look are families celebrating together. If it weren't for her chemo, my mom would be here. She wouldn't let anything stop her from being at that game.

None of it matters when I finally spot her. I might not have my family here with me, but I have Camryn. I've told myself that I wouldn't let her fill any void, but watching her walk towards me fills my lungs with air. And the next thought deflates them.

I'm still hiding so much from her, and I know I'm going to be forced to at least explain a few things to her tonight. I owe her that much, but it doesn't ease the tension in my gut.

I watch helplessly as she lifts her camera up and points in my direction. And I fight the urge to brush away the curl hanging over her brows as she tilts her head down to look at the screen. I've let myself be too selfish with her already. I've taken too many touches that I don't deserve, and felt far too many inches of her body.

I can't hide my relief though, when her hand reaches up and skims over my head. We're standing toe to toe, just watching each other. My eyes flicker to the thin line of her lips, while hers search my face for answers.