Wide Open

f i f t y t h r e e

We moved around a lot when I was younger. Before my dad got the coaching job at State and we finally settled. But every community we lived in, my mom found a way to be involved. She was always dragging Cal and I to pass out meals, or help gather toys during the holiday months. It was important to her that her kids know what it meant to give back.

I hated it.

I hated how early we had to wake up, and that the toy drives were just a lot of moving boxes from one truck to another. Nothing was worse though, than the year we lived in North Carolina. Every single Thursday that entire year we went to visit with residents at a nursing home. I didn't get it. We didn't have family there. The building was creepy with its fluorescently lit halls and dingy paint. It smelled like antiseptic and rotten food.

Like clockwork, every single Thursday she'd pick us up from school and take us straight there. I was jealous of Cal because he played every sport under the sun and so most days had a practice as an excuse not to go. Leaving me to pout all alone while we strolled to the dining room to say hi or help a table finish the puzzle they were working on.

The guests would beam when my mom walked into the room, like her presence reignited a light that had long since gone out simply because she existed, and treated them like they did too. She could talk to them for hours, and always knew things about each of them. Their names, their interests, if they couldn't have dairy and needed an alternative treat to her favorite cake to make. I always just thought it was because she was so used to caring for patients as a nurse. Like it was just routine for her to know those things about every single person she encountered.

Now I know she wasn't just a generous person. She was generosity. She was the first rays of sun in the morning and peonies when they first bloom. She was chocolate cake and capturing the perfectly clear picture. She was everything that's good in this world. It's how she spoke her love to others.

Alyssa's rant about love languages made me realize Taylor is so similar. It's second nature for him to give so much of himself to everyone around him. He's a sip of ice cold water on a hot day, and dancing like no one's watching. It's a relief to know him, and to have him know me. He's everything that's good in my world. He's pushed me to explore who I am, and given me a key to unlock parts of myself I didn't know were there. It makes the need to pull off this surprise for him feel like a life or death situation.

🏈🏈🏈

"Everything is good to go!" Alyssa says over her shoulder.

I turn around from my own desk. "The hotel room?"

"Done. And I booked a dinner reservation for that steakhouse downtown."

"I feel like I'm going to throw up." The queasiness has been present for days, but only because of what rides on pulling this off.

"A shot of ginger would clear that right up," Alyssa offers, reaching into the fridge and pulling out a tiny glass bottle filled with a yellow liquid. I may be getting more used to her, but I'll never accept her health habits.

I shake my head. "Pass."

She shrugs, stowing it back in the fridge rather than in the trash where it belongs.

"What did you tell Taylor?"

I blow a heavy breath through my lips. "Just to meet me at the hotel after he checks in." I used the ruse of an agreement to join the team dinner tonight as my dad kicks off family weekend. He didn't believe me, but after I told him about the phone call with my dad, I faked a desire to reconcile. Taylor thinks my attending any part of family weekend is me being ready to let my dad in on the truth that is my life now.

It's not a complete lie. I couldn't have fully pulled this plan off without recruiting my dad for part of it. I mainly needed him to make sure I would have access to a hotel room, and accommodations this weekend. In return, I agreed to attend the team dinner with him and Katie. And I promised to play nice.

"Speaking of which," I say when my phone buzzes with a text from Taylor. "He's about to leave. I should go set up. "

"Go! I'll handle phase two."

I grab my bag and the last of the things I'll need for the room. My hands are shaking as I grab my camera bag, and Alyssa clasps one in hers. "I hope you're shaking because you're thinking about how Taylor's going to pounce on you when he sees what you've done."

"One step at a time." But I hope she's right, because as my Uber pulls into the hotel a few minutes later, I can't help but feel like I've accomplished the impossible.