Camryn Quinn is finally getting what she wants...sort of. Moving into a dorm and away from her not so supportive father is a good first step, but like everything with him, it comes with strings. She must attend the college of his choosing for at lea...
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I tighten the strings on the hood of my sweatshirt and rest my head on the table. I was rushed out the door and to Harry's by Zoey, who has made it her mission to be as loud as possible this morning. The immense hangover has turned my head into a war zone. I've taken hits on the field that have left me with a concussion, but none measure up to the throbbing I feel now. I can only raise my head long enough to sip the coffee the waitress put in front of me.
"I thought you could hold your alcohol?" My mom laughs from across the table.
"He's just upset because he messed things up with Camryn," Zoey says. I have no idea what she's talking about. The urge to vomit was already in my stomach, but now it's almost unbearable to push back down. I don't think I told her anything last night, but with how much I drank, I could have spilled everything.
"What do you know about anything? You shouldn't have been there anyway."
"I was invited and mom told me to go. The only reason we went was because Camryn wanted to be with you. She was just too scared to say it, and you were just too much of a dumbass to see it."
"You gonna let her talk to me like that?" I eye my mom, waiting for her to reprimand Zoey, but she just sips from her straw.
"You don't know what you're talking about Zo."
"If you say so," she shrugs. "Or you could be asking me exactly what Camryn told me. I'm really good at girl talk and when it comes to the topic of y-o-u." She points a finger at me. "I have a lot of information to give her in return so she was more than willing to open up."
I narrow my eyes on my sister. She has no sign of a hangover whatsoever. She probably spends a lot of her weekends drinking with her friends. It's a staple in small town Texas, but I find it hard to believe my mom is okay with it happening regularly. Zoey's also drinking a cup of coffee like she does it every day. I can't help but wonder what else has changed since I've been gone.
"Camryn and I are friends. Can only ever be friends." I let my head slam back onto my forearms. I'm being a little bitch right now. My mom is right. I can't hold my alcohol and I'm having girl trouble that I'm too fucking moody to talk about.
"You're really sticking with that? That you are just friends? Tay, you guys look at each other like Tom Holland and Zendaya. All longing like you're mystified that the other exists."
"When did you start using words like mystified? And who the hell is Tom Holland?"
"Not the point, brother. You've got it bad and you were an ass. So how are you going to fix it? Camryn isn't going to wait around for you to figure out whatever this is." Her finger whirls over me, the mess in front of her.
"We can't be together."
I wrap my hands around my mug and study a chip in the lip. Even this slight imperfection reminds me of her. She would claim this mug is lucky. Just like she has every single time one of us has been given it. It's only happened twice, and both times it was her that was the lucky one. Now that I've finally gotten my turn, I don't know that I believe in the magic. If fate or destiny is real, right now, it's mocking me. Even if the luck of the draw did choose me I can't take the prize. It wasn't made for me.
"You keep saying that, but—" I cut through Zoey's words, not wanting to hear it anymore. I can't let her know that I've replayed the possible outcomes over and over again in my head and there is still only one. "We can't be together."
"Then you need to tell her that. You're only hurting her if you string her along Tay." I can't even look at my mom as she says it.
I stare at Zoey again. She looks older now, too. And even more like our mom. To me she'll always be that little girl with braided pigtails and a missing front tooth, but I can't help but wonder if there are other things that have changed about her too. She's never liked to talk to me about boys, but because of how I'd tease her. The only advice I've ever given her is to know her worth. To never let a guy take advantage of her or use her. If she gives them more than they deserve, then it's her own fault. It's the same reason I've always been up front with any girl I've been with. I've never pretended to be something I'm not, or offered more than I can give.
If Zoey were in Camryn's shoes as an unsuspecting victim of selfishness, I'd tell her to run as fast as she could. Even if I want to give it all to Camryn, I can't. She's worth so much more than I have to offer.
"I just... I need more time. I have to figure some stuff out before I could ever be more than her friend."
"So you do like her," Zoey squeals. She forks a piece of fruit and shoves it into her mouth. As she chews, a smile breaks out across her face. I wonder how she could even question me though. As if it's even possible to not like Camryn once you've met her, or spent an hour listening to her talk. Even if I somehow find a way to make it all work I need to make sure Camryn doesn't learn the truth outside of how I actually feel about her.
